'Blue Monday' Myth busting #1
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to Inspired Men Talk for solution focused therapists born in four different decades who openly and honestly discuss their perspective on the issues surrounding men's mental health. The things that stigma says we don't talk about. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Inspired Men Talk.
As usual, I've got Gary, Chris and Peter. Peter with me, and it's our first podcast of 2024. Now, in case you didn't know, today is actually known as blue Monday. So we thought we'd use that as our topic for today. And let's do a little bit of myth busting about what it actually means. Now, a lot of people won't realize that blue Monday was.
actually brought up and dreamt up by psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnold back in 2004. And he devised a formula for the bleakest day of the year, essentially to help travel companies sell holidays. Now it's become this known word in society, everyone's vocab has it, where essentially it's the saddest day of the year.
And it typically falls on every third Monday in January, but that was never Dr. Arnold's intention. It was actually designed to inspire people in the hope that actually they think about booking a holiday or make bold decisions in life and make changes to what they would do. And so to kick this off guys, has anyone experienced the sadness element of blue Monday?
So I'll kick off cause everybody's just sitting looking at my. Well, you normally talk the most, Gary, so Well, yeah, that is true. I try not to but actually, I don't think I have. I, I haven't recognised Me being any more miserable in the summer than I have in the winter. So maybe I just have a nice evening keel of being a miserable old sod.
But there's no particular day without reason that I'm more sad, you know, I've never openly known or seen that I suffer from any thing like SAD, where some people find the lack of sunlight and that affects them negatively. So no, I, I, I, if I wasn't told today was the most miserable day of the year, it would be just another day, but there is quite a lot of.
Barrage to this and it's been happening for the last two days on television and this morning. It was horrific If I didn't wasn't miserable before I put the television on I was the time I turned it off Yeah,
where does it come from though, isn't it? That's the question, you know, everybody's something that was supposed to be positive has been coined as the most negative day, the most depressing day of the year, and it's supposed to account for all the miserable weather that we have.
And yet where I am, the skies are blue and the sun shining. I'm having a great day.
I think we're having a good day across the whole of the UK today with the sun, which is nice. I, I looked also, so it's the first time I've ever heard of Blue Monday and I've never, I've never really understood that. I never, I'd never heard of it.
The one thing I will say is that in looking it up, they talked about such factors as monthly salary. And I remember I used to get paid on the 25th of each month. So in December, you'd get paid early, which made January a really, really long month. But then I moved jobs and I got paid on the 11th of the month and it would just consistently be the 11th.
So January was never a long month. So I don't know if that monthly salary piece, if you're, if your money gets moved at Christmas time, that that could potentially give people a bit of a, a negative feeling around the end of January. But once, once I was being paid at the 11th, things were always normal because you knew when your money was coming in.
But outside of that, no, I've never really experienced this whole concept of blue Monday. So it's really strange. What about you, Chris?
I think actually, Peter, you touched on a good point that I hadn't considered there. Yeah, I think you're right on the fact that this 15th, this time of the month, particularly in January, is going to be tight for a lot of people.
It is going to be where people are really counting their pennies and perhaps are waiting for that next, next payday. So I think that does contribute a lot. I've certainly been there. Off the back of Christmas waiting for January's first decent pay. I've certainly been there. Again, I would have never contributed it to a certain day, but I think that's the mentality us four particularly have because we are solution focused at the end of the day.
We're not going to look for a reason to be negative, but I've also all, most of my life worked outdoors, so I certainly get the best of, I always praise that in the winter because you do get a lot of people who work indoors, they'll leave them to work, to go to work in the dark, they'll be coming home in the dark and never see that bit of sunlight and I think that pays a massive, massive impact on people's the way they feel.
I was fortunate enough to be out there. Sometimes it didn't feel very fortunate this time of year. It was cold, wet, damp, and miserable some days. But at least you were seeing the daylight. And I'm really, I was always grateful of that. In all my past jobs where I've been working outdoors. So I think that pays a massive, massive part on the way you feel this time of year.
You know,
it's a bit ironic though, isn't it? Every single one of us has said, Oh yeah. Or it's you sad or whatever, or you've talked about money. And yet this was originally created by travel companies and the hope that people are going to book a holiday.
Maybe they should have left it another couple of weeks where people might have actually had some money to book a holiday.
If I take it a bit wider and we talk about winter blues, because that's what we're kind of, what we're referring to, isn't it? You know, it's that bad weather, those dark nights. Christmas always takes money out of people's pockets and we always end up in a situation where it's a bit Kind of feel like it's a bit on top, particularly in January after we've been together with so many people in the family and then everybody goes back to normality.
Now I can get that to a point, but I've never personally felt it where it brings me down or drags me down to a point where I'm depressed or can't function. But I guess does that come into. People's lifestyle choices, what have they got going on? Gary wants to come in again, as usual.
Again, as usual. I, I, it's interesting because I think Christmas, that period, you know, the festive season, whatever you want to call it, can be quite a polarizing time of year.
For some people, it's really, really joyous. Some people who might be going through challenges. In any spectrum of their life, we'll find that it shines a light on the struggle, so it will amplify it. So, the time we get to 2, 3, 4 weeks later, we either get this big calm down. We've been with family, we've been with friends, and then we've got to go back to normality.
And just like we're people who take Any sort of extreme joy you get a holiday blues when you come back from holiday and it's not a holiday anymore. I know Peter's just come back from Spain and he just realized England has cold weather, you know, he didn't know that, you know, all the years he's lived here.
But he was, you know, dancing around in Spain and then come back to minus whatever. So I think the polarization of Christmas is over gonna. Push it to a bigger negative or take a pleasure and go, Oh, it's been taken away from you now. So if you've not got that day to day positivity, that stuff, what you can find, which is going to keep you on a nice even kill, then there's a potential for the holiday season to have an, you know, a downward curve.
Or to keep you down there. And it sort of like, sort of comes to itself now.
Yeah. And, and it's, I think, you know, thank you for telling everybody I was away on holiday at the beginning of the year already.
It's like if you're the Holiday Blues now, are you now on Blue Monday? Because you've been away.
When
I think I've got, I've been back for about four or five days now. So I've kind of got used to the cold weather back now, you know, but it was, it was like 20 degrees out in, in Spain. Right. And I don't think blue Monday is a concept that is, is over there because. The weather was lovely. Everything was just really nice and friendly.
It was like a nice summer here on. It's funny that Chris mentioned, you know, people I used to do a job where I would get up before sunlight and I'd get the tube on. I'd work in an office that didn't have a window and I would leave. And I would get the tube home and any I wouldn't see any daylight for for maybe two or three months.
And it was kind of I never suffered with the with S. A. D. But, you know, I was looking at some of the symptoms and, you know, you talk about a loss of interest in normal everyday activities. You didn't want to do anything. You know, you didn't want to kind of go out and enjoy the evenings or your days off.
And I did kind of sleep for longer, I think, on my on my days off. And so. Now having that sunlight has made a massive difference for me, even though, you know, today is lovely, so it's a bit difficult to say, but just having that week of sun at the beginning of January has been an amazing thing for me, because I feel so much better for it.
I feel a bit more, a lot more positive about just what 2024 is going to bring me. So I think that, that having that sunlight is a really important thing and being outside, as Chris mentioned, is a really important thing for kind of getting you over. This negative blue Monday or January blues, as it were.
It's funny because I've just had a message off one of my friends, G, who's on the podcast. And he sent me a reel on Insta today saying, Get up, sloopy head, today is awesome, you are great and it's going to be an amazing day. And remember, you are the director of your own movie. I think it's a really strong message that actually, today can be like any day that we want it to be.
As with any season, we can choose and be that director of our own movie and do whatever we want it to do and feel however we want to feel. Chris, what's your thoughts on the winter blues?
Yeah, I've actually started thinking while we've been having this conversation. Yesterday, on Sunday yesterday, I had the first lay in I've probably had for a long time and I've decided the night before I'm going to have a lay in and I didn't get up until till the afternoon.
I got up about half past twelve in the afternoon. And that's the first time I've probably done that, that I, for a long time that I can remember. But it felt like I needed it. You know, and that could be because of the similar sort of things we're talking about is that extra rest that we're all sort of craving at the minute Peter mentioned that he was sleeping longer on his days off when he was working in an office this time of year.
And, you know, I think we should allow ourselves sometimes the fact that actually it's okay, you know, if you do want to lay it until 12. this time of year when it isn't the most productive things to be doing this time of year, you know, and I think it's okay to allow that sometimes. You know, again, these are all things that you go, Oh, well, I've never suffered from it.
But actually, when you think about it, you think about the differences, you different ways you behave this time of year. It's not suffering, it's just natural, and I think some of it's okay, you know? Yeah, yeah. I think we need to change the terminology around this Blue Monday, suffering with sadness, winter blues type of thing, to actually, no, this is the month where, yeah, it's been hectic for the last two months up to Christmas, and everything's been manic, you've spent all your money.
Well, take a month off and recharge. I mean, we all have to go to work every day. It's still standard. But, you know, allow yourself to hibernate. Yeah,
I do love a bit of recuperating on the sofa. And just having some quiet time is really
nice. I think the biggest challenge we have with that is we're continually bombarded with what we should be doing.
What is Right thing to do. And actually, biologically, we're supposed to live with the season when it's dark, you know, we're not supposed we've invented like we've invented so many things, you know, the Industrial Revolution mostly is to blame with this is what they set the time you went to work and you got home.
But actually, our body is designed to work in daylight and do very little in the darkness. So we're forcing ourselves to get up. In the dark to go to work, we're working in an office with no windows when we're not supposed to do that. And we're forcing ourselves to stay up and watch television until midnight, because why wouldn't we?
Well actually, we're meant to be sleeping in. We're meant to be being, not a lack of motivation, but just a balance with nature. And that's really not Compatible with modern day life, and we're continually pushing against the grain. So, getting the balance right is important. We can't necessarily in this day and age go, right, I'm only going to work if the light, if the sun's out.
But, we've got to balance it. You know, we are meant to, you know, we have used to have May dances and May polls because of all of that. We used to have harvest festivals getting ready for the winter. Now, it's just like 24 7. I come from London originally and it was, you know, that London and New York, 24 hour cities.
But actually, the whole globe is a 24 hour city now where we should be always keeping up with. Everybody else and being able to do everything and that's tough and it takes its toll.
So the economy is built around that, though, isn't it? You know, the stock exchange, which dictates most of it and functions in the key times.
And that's what the world revolves around, generally speaking.
Yeah, I agree. But the stock exchange opens and closes at a very certain time. And it was always based on the London Stock Exchange. And now it's everybody's got their own stock exchange. So you having to work for all the different time zones.
So now you have to do that. You know, you, people go out and eat at 10 o'clock at night. It shouldn't be anywhere open, you know? So we are forced into that economic. Thing and now we spend so much at Christmas and we talked about Christmas before where? Christmas was about a time of gathering and family and now it's a time of who spent the most money and people are Counting how much did you spend on that person compared to that person rather than?
Actually, how much are you cherishing my company? So December is a really flat time for a lot of people because the pressure we put ourselves under to be part of the community, and the community is tough.
I think we also put a lot of our pressures on ourselves coming out the back of Christmas. I mean, the amount of people that I've spoken to and they've gone, right it's a new year, I've got a new start, I'm going to be the best that I can be, I'm going to do everything at its best.
So by the time you're three weeks in, you probably are a bit exhausted. Because you go with the best intentions of being your best and doing all these things really well, start the year as you mean to go on and everything like that. By this third Monday of the month, you're probably knackered, giving up on all your New Year's resolutions.
And that's perhaps where this whole Blue Monday thing comes from as well. It's where everybody's actually gone, do you know what, I've had that drink I said I wouldn't have, I've had that leftover bit of cake that I said I wouldn't have, and I've given up now because it was too hard. We put too much pressure on ourselves, try and change too many things at once.
And then when one goes, there's no point in doing the rest. So by the time you get to this time of the month that they feel like they've failed, I think there's
a, do you think there's guilt attached to that? Yeah, yeah,
absolutely. I think people set their expectations too high. Rather than trying to change one small thing, they'll try and say, well, I'm going to quit smoking.
I'm going to quit drinking. I'm going to lose half a stone. I'm going to do all of this the first week of January. They fail at most
of them. You've read my mind, Chris. You've literally just said what my next point was going to be. And that's exactly it. Because people, you hear it on TV. Oh, I'm setting this new year resolution, whatever.
And we look at how we work in therapy and we say one small step. And people's new year resolutions are crossing the finish line. And they're setting themselves up to fail the minute they decide on what they're going to do. They don't think about taking the small step. And so, yeah, I agree. I think that massively impacts people.
They set themselves up to fail and then they feel bad because they've let it slip. And reality is they just made their step too big. They need to just read it back in a little bit, which kind of leads nicely, I suppose, into what ways do we think that people could sort of employ, use tips or tricks that we can give them from our therapy perspective and how to cope with maybe those down days or this sort of winter blues, blue Monday, however we want to phrase it, Pete, what's your thoughts?
So I think someone asked, someone asked what was, what was great about what, what, what was great about today and I, I kind of commented and it was Gary. Thank you for asking the question, Gary. And I commented and said that I'd had two really good nights sleep. I've been, I've been getting to bed really early and actually having a really, really good night's sleep and almost like hibernation, sort of 10, 12 hours of sleep.
And I've had that for, for two nights in a row now. Which has made me feel really, really good. And we think about it, we are animals. We're all animals. And the majority of animals hibernate during the winter. And while we can't, you know, survive for three months of not getting up and not eating. We can rest.
So my top tip, and it certainly worked for me for today, is get plenty of rest.
Buzz in. Cheers Pete. Now Gary, I'm going to come to you. You're the one that's got this master's in all the, in the mental health and the brain and everything else. From a psychology perspective, from the background of it all, What's your advice and what can you expand on a little bit for us in terms of this mindset?
Yeah, I think to really distill it down into some simple things It's, it's like I put this post on social media, you know, why, you know, why is it not Blue Monday? Nearly everybody's come back and said it's sunny, they've been, and it's funny because my wife commented on it because she's like, and it's like everyone's going for a walk.
So one of the things is just some activity, and Christopher talked earlier about being outside. Just get outside. This year, every year, winter, we don't get much daylight. So find some. Go out in the daylight. Let it make contact with your skin. That's really important. But also those small steps, first of all, you've got to accept.
It's winter. Man, a lot of people I'm hearing going, Oh, it's so cold today. It's like, well, it's January. What do you expect? You know, it is normal. We live in England. You've always had it. So see the good things somebody's put on here. You know, seeing the rosy cheeks on the kids on the way to school. It's lovely.
You know, winter brings something out. And the Norwegians used to say, there's no such thing as. Bad weather, just bad clothing. And that's true. So, you know, make some preparations for what you're about to do. Cause it's true. But those little things like you were talking about people setting huge goals for new year.
And I think nearly everybody has. We've all done it at different times in our lives. I don't do it anymore. But actually, everybody seemed to have forgotten about spring cleaning. Everybody's forgotten about Harvest Festival. So nobody made anything more than three months because the seasons were about three months.
So we got ourselves ready to tackle what was just in front of us. Not what's going to happen in summer, not what's happening next Christmas. So it's eating well and actually enjoying cooking, enjoying going, okay, what am I going to do today? And rather than just going with, I do this every Monday. Go, well, do you know what?
I'm going to go to the shop. I'm going to buy this ingredient because I found this interesting recipe. So you're always active, either in your mind or your body. I think that's really important because we're, we're supposed to just work at our pace. So choosing something what fits, which gives us a sense of achievement, doing anything that my, one of my favorite videos is from that Admiral or whatever is making your bed.
Just take a small action each day. And that will be so important. We talk about the three P's positive action. You know, you've had a text from someone today going, you know, make today a good one. How does that feel that someone's interacted with you? You know, so interact with someone, make someone else's day a little bit shinier.
It will make your day. It has to be reciprocated whether you like it or not. The brain gives you a dose of positivity if you make someone else's day nice. That whole old fashioned thing is helping that lady across the road. There was real importance in it. So all the little things which you've ever done.
I love
that. It's Admiral William McRaven. The first thing you do in your day, start the day by making your bed. And then if you choose something, which I love it's definitely worth a look. If you haven't seen it, put it on YouTube. Chris, what's your top tips?
Well, I weren't left with much to go by after Gary there.
I've covered a lot. But no, most, everything was said was absolutely bang on. My main thing was going to be getting outside as well. It's getting outside. Even if you do work in an office, I mean, we can't, we've got to go to work. We've got to do our jobs. We've got to work with what we've got. But even if you do work in an office, take half an hour of your lunch break to go and sit outside.
Put your coat on, put your scarf on, be warm, but be outside. You know, there's lots of reasons you can say you can't do it, but find a way you can do it. Because there is somebody can make time in their day to go outside and just be out there getting a bit cold, getting a bit of fresh air in their lungs and seeing what's the what outside looks like this time of year, you know, and if you look close enough, actually, you'll start to see signs of new life coming for next year.
Some of the really early bulbs are starting to come up. Some of some of the trees are starting to break buds, you know that it's already starting to the new season starting already. So, let's not get too wrapped up in the fact that it's cold and it's winter and yeah, we might still get some snow.
Actually, the year's getting ready to start with a new, fresh life, so embrace it and go and find it. Go, what I always find a really nice place to go this time of year is a body of water. If you live near a lake, go to the lake, a river, you know, a body of water. Some, for me, is a really nice place to be at this time of year.
It's nice to be any time of the year, but in winter, it's got a different feel about it. And it's really, really pleasant. So get outside, find that space and do what makes you feel good. Yes, we have to do our day to day and hopefully that feels good for most people, but do what makes, do what feels right.
If it means going to bed at half past eight, go to bed at half past eight. If it means ordering a Chinese, order a Chinese, you know, do what's make, what makes you feel that little bit good. You know and recognize it
awesome I think from my perspective it is kind of what everyone's talking about is do the small things But it's also remembering you can do things that bring you great reward without having to pay money Like going for a walk, you know We talk about that financial pinch after christmas and we think about how things we've got to do make it exciting Well, actually we can go back to basics because we miss the basics in life.
We're all about doing commercial things on a big scale, whether it's go to theme parks, or take the kids to this event, or to this, that, and the other. Actually, you've got two feet, you can go for a walk, or if you don't, if you struggle, if you've got that disability, diet in your wheelchair, meet your friends, talk and chat, and do activity.
It doesn't mean you've got to bench press 150 kilos at the gym, it can just be that walk around. Or catch up with someone, reach out to somebody, and check in who you maybe didn't see at Christmas, and now it's all gone a bit quiet, you fancy having a coffee with? So, Blue Monday, in my book, is a bit of a myth.
And actually, as that reel that I talked about today, you are the director of your own movie, and you can choose what you do with your Monday, and with your Winter Blues and January. And I think that kind of brings us nicely to a close for this week's podcast. So One other thing
though, Ben. Oh, there's, oh, go on, Chris.
Yeah, one other thing, if you haven't done it already, go and spend them gift cards you got for Christmas, because I've still got a couple kicking about. That'll make you happy.
Definitely. Yeah, we leave them in the drawer till next year and then find them again and put them back, don't we? Yeah. So yeah, so thank you again for listening to Inspired Men Talk.
This was your podcast on Blue Mondays. And it's a thanks from me and hopefully speak to you soon.
And thank you from me and have a wonderful 2024. Hope you keep listening to us.
Yeah, and from me and yeah, best, best wishes for the new year ahead. You're
on mute, Gary.
Well, I was going to say thank you for me and have a fantastic January because I'm not looking any further forward than that.
So have a great January and listen to our podcast in February. See you then. Bye. Thank you for listening to our podcast that proves men do talk.
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