Breaking the Stigma: Stuart Fawcett's Journey with Andy’s Man Club and Men’s Mental Health
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Inspired Mentor. With me as always is Gary, Ben and Chris. Hello, gents.
Chris Johannes:Hello.
Gary Johannes:Morning. Hello.
Peter Ely:And that's a new one for us because we don't normally introduce ourselves and say hello to each other on once the recording starts. But we're really lucky today because we have a really lovely guest, Stuart Fawcett from Andy's Man Club. Stuart, hello and welcome, and would you please introduce yourself to our listeners?
Stuart Fawcett:Hi, guys. My name's Stuart. I'm the regional area lead for the South Andy's Man Club. Andy's Man Club means a lot to me. It's changed my life.
Stuart Fawcett:My role is supporting our existing clubs, opening new doors, getting, hopefully, to a point of having a club within 30 minutes of every guy in the UK. Our our club is every Monday night, 7 till 9, and it's appeared to be support for men to get their stuff off their chest.
Gary Johannes:Okay. So so just quickly, is it always every club in the country will be a Monday?
Stuart Fawcett:Every club in the country, including our online, is on a Monday night, 7 till 9, except bank holidays due to some of our venues are closed, so we like to keep it consistent for the lads across the UK.
Gary Johannes:Right.
Peter Ely:Amazing. Sure. We we've met previously, and you mentioned there that Andy's man club's really important to you and that it it kinda had a profound impact on you. Are you happy to share a little bit of your story with us?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. Absolutely. I've suffered with my mental health in various forms all my life. I had anxiety from a kid through my teens and grew up with that stigma around me. You know?
Stuart Fawcett:Sort yourself out, pull your socks up, stop being anxious. Still not sure how to be anxious. Everyone is coming. But, yeah, I grew up with that stigma, and so I always wore that mask. I always put that mask on.
Stuart Fawcett:I always thought I was strange. I thought I was alone all and just muddled through life, I guess, with it. But that all builds up, doesn't it? It all builds up on your shoulders. You're taking in that stuff, but you're not talking about you're not not shifting anything.
Stuart Fawcett:It sits there with you. My anxiety got to a high level in my mid thirties. I was working for a well known retailer at the time, and it took over. I was having panic attacks on trains and waking up on platforms, that sort of thing. And then in the December, my nana passed away.
Stuart Fawcett:My wife left me on New Year's Eve, and it just you know, everything was just flooding in. And I had no release. I had no that pressure pot was building really quick, and I had no release. I felt I couldn't talk to my work. Felt I
Chris Johannes:couldn't talk to my family. Didn't wanna burden anyone.
Stuart Fawcett:I thought I'd lose my job if I'd spoke to work about it. I thought I didn't wanna burden my family, and I'd, you know, distance myself from my friends. And I got a I got a I got that flat, you know, that all important bachelor pad you thought you you thought you needed to be able to move on with life. Yeah. Looking back on it, it wasn't the one one of the greatest ideas, to be honest.
Stuart Fawcett:I was on my own most evenings working at the pressure of work alongside everything else that was going around in my head and, yeah, to ended up turning to to drink as a mask, I guess, which escalated and then started affecting my work life. Obviously, I wasn't turning up for work and stuff. I did end up getting signed off work. I had some support through various avenues, but wasn't really helping us. Wearing a mask.
Stuart Fawcett:I wasn't talking about what was going on. I was talking you know, I quite happily go down the pub, have a few have a few beers and talk about the footy and everything else that we talk. Oh, I wasn't talking about what's going on on on up in my head. Yeah. And I got myself to that got myself to that point where I couldn't see a future.
Stuart Fawcett:I couldn't see anything out. I couldn't see a way up. I didn't know where to turn. I distanced myself from everybody. I've become, like, so socially anxious.
Stuart Fawcett:I was, you know, heading out, getting food and supplies and stuff, but just sticking myself in my flat. That first, you know, I had my mom not have rang. I guess it was mother's intuition at the time. I'd I I'm not sure I'd be sat here today, guys, but my mom had realized that it was that I've been distancing myself from people, etcetera. I was living in Berkshire at the time, and my family home was in Essex.
Stuart Fawcett:So, thankfully, we didn't get to that point. Thankfully, my mom and dad come down and got me in the coming weeks, and I moved back to the family home. I decided I needed to take change my life around that time, So I left retail. Retail was causing a pressure on my life, and I decided to change that around. I've done an n NVQ in painting and decorating
Chris Johannes:Wow.
Stuart Fawcett:And and decided to start my own business. But I think, as we know, I've gone into a industry where masks are worn daily, and we I've I've felt that pressure again, you know, that I couldn't talk about things and and the pressure of setting up a new business, the uncertainty of that, the anxiety was coming back. I did have my mom at the time who I could talk to about stuff, and that sort of unfolded, really. And then in 2016, my mom passed away. So my only outlet had disappeared again.
Stuart Fawcett:And what did I do? Wet the mask back on, distanced myself from my family, stuck my head into work, was working 12 hours a day. It's all I knew. It was my only way I knew how to sort of combat it. 2019, I met my current girlfriend, Abby, and things started to look up and, you know, new relationship.
Stuart Fawcett:You're talking about your past and wanting to know each other and stuff, and we understood each other, listening to each other. And then the pandemic being self employed for the first time in my life, every all my jobs canceled. No money coming in. Didn't know where it was it was coming from. Didn't know what was going on in the world.
Stuart Fawcett:All that anxiety come back. All that. Everything come back to a point that the panic attack started to come back. I felt uncomfortable going out to the even to the supermarket. 1 afternoon, Abby turned up.
Stuart Fawcett:She'd been out for lunch with her friend, and she handed me this one of these Andy's man clubs. They'd been talking about Andy's man club, and she handed me one of the cards. Maybe a major, and then stuck it in with okay. I forgot about that card for for a few weeks, to be honest, and I was back at back at work, and I'd had a pretty rough day. Things were building up.
Stuart Fawcett:I could feel pressure building up, and I found the card. And on that card, it said, are you going for a storm or just been through 1? And I was like, okay. Yeah. Maybe I'm going through a storm right now.
Stuart Fawcett:So I decided I I I decided to jump online and check it out, and I jumped on to andysmanclub.co.uk where I found out about Andy's story. I found out about what Andy's man club was all about, and then I found out there was a club opening near me in Baselburn in 3 weeks' time. And I decided to build myself up to going along there that first night. I pulled up in the van, and I sat there with the engine running. If if I'm honest, lads here, I I was I was ready to turn around and go home.
Stuart Fawcett:I you know, the anxiety was, like, through the roof. I didn't know what to do. And there was a tap on the window, and it was one of the facilitators, Darren, wearing the Andy's man club hoodie and T shirt. And he said, are you here for Andy's man club? I said, yes.
Stuart Fawcett:He said, come on. So I turned the engine off, and he put his arm around me, walked me up to the door, Made me a cup of tea. We had a biscuit. I can't I I'll tell you later how important a cup of tea and biscuit is. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. We had a chat. He was explaining to me that I didn't have to talk. I could pass the ball that we have. There was no pressure, and I walked into that room.
Stuart Fawcett:And, yeah, I sat about 2 thirds of the way around the circle, and for the first time in my life, those guys sharing their story, I didn't fit alone.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. And I
Stuart Fawcett:the weight started to lift, and I I did share some of my story that night, and that's where it really worked for me because I've had other sorts of support in the past. Because I've been wearing the mask, I hadn't really opened up about what I was talking. In in in that room, I was able to talk about it. It's in
Gary Johannes:What was different? What sorry. What was different? You you know, is you have support.
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. I think it was different because it was with my anxiety being in a room being in a room with 15 other guys that I've never met before would have done me normally. Like, it would have set me off. However, walking into that room, sitting with those guys and hearing what they were going through, what they've been through, and being able to resonate for the probably the first time in my life because I hadn't ever talked about my friends and how my how what was going on in the ad and stuff. And I think at that point, it was different because there was guys from all different walks of life.
Stuart Fawcett:There was guys going through stuff. Guys going through stuff a lot a lot more than what I've been through and guys going through some some of it less than what I've been through, but it all resonated, and I was able to talk. It wasn't no one was forcing me to do it. No no one or asking me to do it. There was no there was no structure to it.
Stuart Fawcett:There was no it was just how's your week been? Yeah. Well, my week's been okay, but Thursday, this happened, or it's come up last week. And it was just a nice nice environment to to just and know that you don't have to talk. There was no pressure.
Benn Baker-Pollard:So prior to prior to going to end his man club and and when this all started for you, did you go and or think about going to see your GP or any help with
Stuart Fawcett:your I've done I've done all that, and I've had I've had I've had been to see my GP. You know, I've been on been on medication. I've been been to therapy. I've been to counseling, all of that. And it don't get me wrong.
Stuart Fawcett:That side of things helped me get through to where I am today without a shadow of a doubt. Had it helped me unload what I was carrying, maybe not.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Yeah. You've answered my question. I was gonna say, what what's the barrier between that and what you know, coming to Bandy's Man Club? What was the difference for you that made that impact?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. It's it's it's the being able to take that put take that mask off fully and be open and honest with everything that's gone on going on inside.
Chris Johannes:Do you feel like when you go to someone like Andy's man because you don't know anybody else in the group, You can offload without clearly not keep putting anything on them. Because I think with people close to us, we're often hesitant or if we're in a bad place, we can't feel hesitant, but we don't wanna make our problems their problem. We don't wanna burden our loved one. Do you feel like that makes a difference? Or
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. Yeah. A 100%. I think it's that because there's no registration. There's no referral.
Stuart Fawcett:There's no cost to it. You can come and go as you come and go to Andy's man club as you please. It's nonjudgmental. It and it's safe. You're you're talking to guys that are going through similar or same stuff, and you're there for each other.
Stuart Fawcett:It it really does create friendship and brotherhood. That thing we lose when we're going through that storm where we distance ourselves from everybody is the complete side to that.
Chris Johannes:Do you think when you did go to the dupe, if they'd have maybe referred you to something like Andy's nightclub or or just made you aware of it, think you would have taken out then, or was it more
Stuart Fawcett:like a a
Chris Johannes:time for you and, you know, what
Stuart Fawcett:Knowing knowing what I know now and knowing how I feel now, I think Andy's Man Club is a starting point for a lot of us where you can start talking about how you feel. And then I was able to attend therapy and counseling since. I was being being much more honest and open with that therapy. They worked 10 times better. Does that does that make sense?
Gary Johannes:Yeah. So I'll I'll go a question which is could be perceived as controversial as if me. Yeah. One of the things I mean, we called inspired men talk because we believe we men talk. We're all on here.
Gary Johannes:We talk. And sometimes, it's environment. And something just struck me listening to you talking about your first experience of Andy's man's club. And it's funny because I was talking about this in the weekend with some students up in the northeast. Sometimes, you you know, regardless, male or female, but you get people who've got a god complex.
Gary Johannes:They want to help you. They can fix you. You go along, and it's the telling you how to be better and what you need, and it they're they're they're. And it's just and almost that's like, even though you might need help, it's repugnant because you don't wanna be helped. You don't want someone else to save you.
Gary Johannes:Does that make sense?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Gary Johannes:And that's not what
Stuart Fawcett:Andy's man's club is? No. I'd I think Andy's man's club is that place. You're you're just not judged. You're not you're able to I kinda lost my train of thought.
Stuart Fawcett:I do apologize for asking.
Peter Ely:That's fine.
Benn Baker-Pollard:What you were saying, it sounded like to me that no one's telling you what to say or that you've gotta No.
Stuart Fawcett:No. No. No. But yeah. Exactly.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Is somebody saving you?
Stuart Fawcett:No. And we're yeah. We're not we're not there to as as we're not going to save pea like, we we are gonna save people because we talk Yeah. We're not going to be able to we're all guys. Everybody, all of our volunteers, everybody within Andy's Man Club has got us walk through that door at the point.
Stuart Fawcett:And so we're not we're not counselors. We're there to listen. It's a signpost if needed, and we're there to that's that's where it works, where everybody's on the same page. It's a volunteer. They're reading the questions out on a Monday, however, as a guy in that.
Gary Johannes:And that leads me to that question then is that's what made the difference. When you walked in there, nobody was going, these tablets, this session, this tablet counseling. You were just able to just sit there and work it out
Stuart Fawcett:and decide. The slot. It comes out. It naturally comes out yourself. And seeing seeing guys walk through, you know, those I mean, over 4,500 guys turn last week across our UK sites.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Wow.
Stuart Fawcett:And seeing those guys walk through the door with the anxiety, the weight of the world on their shoulders, and I'll I'll I'll guarantee pretty much most will open up that first night just in some way or form. Yeah.
Benn Baker-Pollard:No. I've I've got a
Chris Johannes:cup 2 part question, really. So what do you do with Andy's main plug now? How what do you how are you part of that now?
Stuart Fawcett:So I still And how did you get to
Chris Johannes:that point as well, really? So that's 2 2 part, really.
Stuart Fawcett:So, yeah, that's kinda the next part of my story, I guess. I started attending, obviously, club. And over the coming weeks, I shared a bit more of my story, etcetera. And then I decided I wanted to give that bit back, open the door, support that next guy to walk through the door. So I stepped up as a facilitator, Basilan, and volunteered that until October last year.
Stuart Fawcett:And doing those awareness days, doing stuff, spreading the word, talking about what Andy's Man Club is and how it supported each and every one that walks through the door. And then in October, the position came up for the area lead for the Southeast and London. I just wanted to spread word much more, open that platform up to as many guys across the UK. And if that that was what I could do, then I'd that's what I'm here for. I want I want every guy to be able to feel there is something out there.
Stuart Fawcett:There's a you know, you can come to even if it's just talking, it doesn't matter. I think when I do presentations and stuff, and that leads me into my role now is as an area lead is I go out and do presentations to big organizations, small organizations, out to the construction industry, you know, talking to the lads on the ground. Even if that starts one conversation, even if one guy walks away from that presentation. He may not attend Andy's man club. But if he walks away from that conversation being able to talk to someone else about what he's going through right now, he picks up a card.
Stuart Fawcett:He picks up at one of our wristbands and goes, yeah. I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to someone. That's what it's all about. Yeah. So my role now is supporting all of our existing clubs in the South with the guys at Walk Through Your Door, supporting our facilitators, making sure, you know, everything's alright as we're probably talking a little while about the format of AMC that will that sort of makes it making sure that that's, you know, okay and consistent across the UK, I guess.
Stuart Fawcett:And then, yeah, obviously, opening the out there searching and opening new doors for next areas and reaching out to the next one, mate.
Peter Ely:Fantastic. So firstly, thank you for sharing your story, Stuart. That's really that's really kind of you. Really appreciate that. There was something that you said that resonated with me because we're of a similar age group.
Peter Ely:And I think when we've talked, the 4 of us, so we've noticed that Gary and I had one sort of upbringing. So you mentioned, you know, you had to pull your socks up and kinda just
Stuart Fawcett:get
Benn Baker-Pollard:on with it.
Peter Ely:Do what? Man up. Yeah.
Chris Johannes:Man up. Man up. Yeah.
Peter Ely:Yeah. Yeah. And and and when Chris and Ben talked, things have slightly changed. And so do you notice with the age group of people, is it that younger younger men are able to be more open or is it just everyone chat?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. We're seeing we we obviously see a wide we're open open to anybody above the any man over the age of 18. So we see a wide range of guys. I think, you know, certainly, generational sort of, I guess, from sort of, like, mid thirties, maybe, upwards, you see you see that stigma stigmas definitely there. The younger generation, I think they have different challenges.
Stuart Fawcett:I think it's different challenges. I think think things are changing. I think as we know, like, you know, just you 4 guys and everything that's going on in the world, we know that things are changing within mental health and people focusing on it. So I've done a lot of work with some of the universities, and there's a there's a real need, a real must about their well beings, their their mental you know, we do need to talk about stuff. And I think when I see the younger guys walk through the door, they they're sharing more of, you know, their life struggles in a more like, sooner than we we ever have.
Stuart Fawcett:We've we've carried it, Not not dividing us, but we've carried it for many years. Whereas they're unloading it much earlier, let's hope their futures are gonna be that much prior.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Yeah. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:I I got
Gary Johannes:the question, sir, because you you've obviously been through from challenges, but interestingly, the challenges in themselves were almost normal life. Yeah. People passing away, separations of relationships. You know? So there you it wasn't big dramatic trauma in the moment.
Gary Johannes:So they all compounded, and we that's what we're working. But you've been suffering a long, long time in different ways. And, yes, okay, maybe he was never ready for Andy's man club until he was ready. But what would, you know, when you get a young version of you come in, a 20 year old, a 25 year old Mhmm. Would you have wished somebody had said to you?
Stuart Fawcett:Just about having having that person even if it was one individual, having that one individual that could go, you can talk we all say we can talk to each other anything, don't we? When we get talking, it's like it'll always be along the lines of, like I said earlier, football or something, etcetera. If
Gary Johannes:Not at the moment. Nope. We're not talking
Stuart Fawcett:about football. At the moment. No. But I I think it's having that I think with with that stigma around you, you always think, if I if I broke down in front of any of my mates at the age of 20 and said, look. I'm going for a real tough time here right now.
Stuart Fawcett:I'd have probably been or maybe I wouldn't, but I was expecting I'd be laughing
Gary Johannes:at would.
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. Yeah. So what would you
Gary Johannes:have been at? What what did you wish? Now if you look back, what do you wish somebody had pulled over the 20 year old you and said to you?
Stuart Fawcett:Come on. You can do this. This is this is this is life. We can get through this together. And having that support network around me that could, like, guide me through that and then give back to that, which I is now what I've got.
Gary Johannes:So so for me, because I I am of the older generation here Mhmm. Pull your socks up, is come on. You can get through this. Yeah. Pull your socks up and get through, but there wasn't that mechanism that I walk with you.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. No. We don't get it. Difference. It's pull your socks up.
Stuart Fawcett:Felt like it was push pull your socks up. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. The support wasn't there was nothing following that.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:When I found Andy's man club, it was you can do this. Pull your like, pull yourself up. We can get you through this. And then there was next Monday.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. And he walked next to you the whole time.
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. And then it then it was making friendships with guys that got what I was going through. And all of a sudden, it creates that bigger picture, I think.
Peter Ely:Yeah. I I really resonate with that. I remember when I was in my twenties, I broke up with a girl and and I went for a really bad time with it. What happened to me is my friends went out, we got drunk. And then when I went the next day and was like, oh, I'm still upset.
Peter Ely:They went, no, no, we got drunk yesterday. It's all done. Now you have to move on. So, yeah, I think that consistency and that moving forward is is really important, which is really nice.
Gary Johannes:But Ben, you said you did the same as a as a policeman. You have a tough day. You go to the pub.
Benn Baker-Pollard:That was that was the routine. That was it. I I always remember I was pretty new in the job, but I remember going to a really bad fire where multiple children would died, and we were pulling people out of the house with the fire brigade and everything. And it was a disaster. Complete absolute nightmare.
Benn Baker-Pollard:And the solution to that was that the long night shift and the horrific stuff was we all found a pub that was serving at the train station that morning, and we all got pissed for the entire day to go home, go to sleep, and then be ready to come back in at nighttime at 10, 11 o'clock at night to just go back out and do your job again. And that was that was the therapy. Get drunk, go home, come back. And we you talk about the job a little bit about what you dealt with, but most of the time, we all sat in silence because you're all 1, you're knackered, but 2, you kinda need to do the process in yourself and No. Understand kind of what have you just been through.
Benn Baker-Pollard:What was that all about? But there is always that element where you can't allow that to consume you really because if you do and you break down in front of the group, you're the weak one. You're the one that's fallen over. And everyone is like, oh, shit. What do we do now?
Benn Baker-Pollard:So it's the hope that everyone will just sort of yeah. You have a beer. You might touch the surface or the edges of it, and then that's it. No one talks about it again. So it's a challenge, I think.
Benn Baker-Pollard:I know personally for me, and it might be different for everybody, and you might have your own take on this. But when I look back now and you look at what you were going through and you think to yourself, well, one thing I can definitely take away is going forward, I will change the way that I deal with that. If it ever happen happens again, and now I will talk about it because I'm in a bit much better place to be able to realize it's okay. Yeah. And it's normal.
Benn Baker-Pollard:And if you don't talk about it, you buckle it up and you fall over.
Peter Ely:I think you you use a lovely analogy of a pressure cooker down you a stir and we we talk about a stress bucket. So yeah.
Chris Johannes:It's just nice. Yeah. Chris, you were
Peter Ely:gonna say something. Sorry.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. I mean, it kinda goes across the board to everybody, the way you're all talking about this kind of stuff. Do you think one of the biggest motivates and the biggest breakthroughs is when you sit there and realize a lot of people feel the same as you do. And you realize, oh, I'm not odd for feeling like they seem to be the weather that's been sitting in that pub.
Stuart Fawcett:I guarantee
Chris Johannes:most of the people there were thinking the same thing. I wish I could talk more, but I know I can't. And with you and and and his main club, you getting in that room with people and going, there's 15 other people feeling the way I do. I'm not the unusual one. Do you think that is one of the biggest If if we could get that into people a lot sooner, do you think that would change a lot?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. A 100%. I I I do. I I think I'll give my dad as an example. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:My dad was a hardworking man, the breadwinner as we you know, we we all know that environment. And I'd never talked to my dad about anything because I couldn't I I felt I couldn't show that weakness. I couldn't show that, and I felt I was alone. The conversations I've had with my dad in the past few years where I've been able to open up to him and tell him how I've I felt in the past in those times, And then those conversations from my dad have opened about when we lost my mom, when we and what he was going through and hadn't told me because he was wearing his own mask. Yeah?
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. That's that's where it all starts to change, and that's where it all you know, when you start speaking to when you start speaking openly yourself about, I think. And and, like, sitting here with you guys now, being able to talk about this stuff, and then you start talking to maybe some friends that maybe have act been acting a bit strange, like, different to how they usually are. And then you actually start talking to them, and then you open up that conversation and go, you had a pretty tough week last week. This is how I was feeling.
Stuart Fawcett:And then they go and then it starts that conversation. It's surprising how many people are going through something, but we don't talk about it.
Gary Johannes:Just I I mean, I've got so many questions as always, but, I mean, the thing was sitting on my head, which I've just been listening to this conversation. What's right in the run-in my head is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So go through those experiences so you can learn from when we get stronger. What's wrong with that?
Peter Ely:Yeah. I mean, I I agree with you. You do get stronger from them, but it's only if you can get through them. Right? And it's it's finding the coping mechanism to get through them.
Peter Ely:Is that thing
Gary Johannes:used to be the fob off. That's okay. Didn't kill you. Therefore, you're gonna be stronger.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Well, finally, we've got a team that supports you through it. Yeah. Maybe.
Gary Johannes:You know? Because that is that's I mean, there's even a song caller, isn't there? Or or or about it. So is there truth in that? Because I I think sometimes there is, but other times
Chris Johannes:I think there is truth. I think we're all probably agree. There is an element of truth in that, but it making sure that there's a good support network and to make sure it can make you stronger and not kill you. And I think that's the key thing. You know, we've all made it through tough times like that because we've had the support network and we have come out on the other side stronger.
Chris Johannes:You know, it may have taken us a longer time to get that support network. We may have actually struggled through a lot. Okay? But at the end of the day, if we didn't find our place where we fit and we got that support, it probably would have killed us. So, yeah, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but you've gotta find it the thing that's gonna help it help you through it enough to stop it killing you.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Just when you've got the capacity to be able to look at it from that perspective. And when you're in that storm, as you described it, you don't have that capacity to look at that. You don't have any foresight other than I feel like I'm broken. I can't really do anything, and I don't know where to turn.
Gary Johannes:So so asking Stewart then, now it looks like you've come through the hardest of your times, and you're really supporting beautifully and massively. So many other people go who are in the middle of that storm. Not only have you come out of the storm, you've actually worked out why you beat the the storm is. Are you stronger because of it?
Stuart Fawcett:I am stronger because of it. One of the biggest things I hear is lads going, I wanna be I wanna be me 5 years ago when I before all this started.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:I think where the the difference is is when you've got that support network around you is understanding I am stronger, but I'm stronger because I've accepted that this is I'm I'm version 7.2 of Stewart now. Yeah. Yeah? Next week, I might be version 7.8. Yeah?
Stuart Fawcett:And it's accepting that I am here. I I am alive. I have got through all of that. I'm 449 now. I've got through all of that, but I am here, and I'm moving forward.
Stuart Fawcett:I'm stronger because I've had and I'm not just talking about Andy's man club. It's because of those individuals in my life that have supported me at the right times, got me over that hurdle. The pressure pot's gone down, and then I've moved on. But then something else might happen, and then the pressure pot builds, and then it and then I get through that bit. It definitely makes you stronger.
Stuart Fawcett:It's just those different challenges and be able to combat those, have a coping mechanism for those obstacles as they arise, I think.
Gary Johannes:A positive coping mechanism? Yeah. Positive coping mechanism. Absolutely. Because that's one of the challenges.
Gary Johannes:You know, one of the stats I've recently seen is that on average, since the pandemic, particularly, the average man in the UK, the percentage is most of them don't have any friends. We have between 1 and 0 genuine friends.
Stuart Fawcett:Mhmm.
Gary Johannes:It's like, what? But that's what it now comes down to. You know, this man in the UK has no friends.
Stuart Fawcett:I talked about, like, me shutting myself off back in my thirties, and my friend we all know when we're going through a crisis or storm, our friendship circle shrink.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:Pandemic, our friendship circles were instantly shrunk without any Yeah. Any way of, like, controlling it, I think. We see a lot of that now is that the the friendship you know, people turn up to club and their you know, their friendship circles are very small. They haven't got
Chris Johannes:we
Stuart Fawcett:they haven't the support network we we have had in the past. And I think with those the guys in the room on a Monday, that's where it really gets important. We have a break, and then you see those guys mingle together and, like, talk and chat about their hobbies or what stuff's stuff's going on and making those friendships, and you see people's friendship circles grow. That that's that is really important.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. I think it's
Benn Baker-Pollard:just in relationships as well. You know? Yeah. You lose all your friends because you invest your time in the other person.
Chris Johannes:Mhmm.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Before you know it, you're married and all the rest of it, and you turn around, and you've got people you might touch base with or people you work with. But like you say, genuine friends that you could have that chat and offload with. Few and far between.
Gary Johannes:It is. And and, actually, the start where there was, like, on average, 1.2 friends was pre pandemic.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Mhmm.
Gary Johannes:It already started. Pandemic just went bash the last bit, like, stand the last bit of life out of it. But, actually, we'd already become because we're now global. None of us live together. We don't live in a small village.
Gary Johannes:We you know, that tribal thing. Well, it sounds like Handy's Man Club brings back in where you're sitting in a room with your peers and your friends and, you know, you know, they're all similar. They all know each other quite well or get to know each other. And I think that's quite a vital ingredient for you know, we we might not the police force or the you know, and go into drinking culture or the sports clubs or but at least it bring you know, there was some level of cohesive groups. Yeah.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. And that has fell apart now. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.
Peter Ely:Yeah. And I think yeah. Listening to your listening to your story when you were saying you were going through your darker times, and and it's been the same for me when I was going through my darker times. I didn't have those people around me and I didn't want those people around me. And you you're right.
Peter Ely:Burden is a, is a word that you hear very, very often. And it's one that kind of I've felt, you know, like you don't wanna burden other people with your problems. And then when you've, when you've turned it around, you've had that friendship circle, which seems really, really nice. That seems that that's what Andy's main club is bringing to me, which is fantastic.
Stuart Fawcett:There was a real prominent, I was at club couple of Mondays ago, and there's a guy been attending quite a while, but he's had some health issues to last since since just after Christmas. Passionate about his allotment. That's gone to pot over the last few months because he hasn't been able to get down here. Bless him. All the lads went down to his allotment.
Stuart Fawcett:All the lads from club went down to his allotment last Saturday and helped him get back on track. They've got it all set up, all his seeds sown, all his plants, etcetera, sown for the summer. That's lovely. That's that's what that's where it really comes together. And and, you know, outside of it, you know, with with Monday nights, outside of that, seeing those lads meet up, I don't know, ever not go for a walk, and that can be with their partners, their friends, whatever.
Stuart Fawcett:They all meet up and go for a, you know, 2 mile walk or something, have a coffee, those sort of things, or they set up a pool night or they set up a darts, you know, darts team or, you know, all of that is is so important. Yeah.
Peter Ely:I got goosebumps.
Benn Baker-Pollard:That's an online element with that as well.
Stuart Fawcett:Yeah. The online element. Yeah.
Benn Baker-Pollard:What does that look like? What's that?
Stuart Fawcett:So exact same format as all of our face to face clubs. The online was set up during the pandemic. We've kept it going because it is it's somewhere that you can still experience Andy's man club if there's not a club in your area. It's a place where maybe you've got a disability. You can't leave the house or, you know, that social anxious socially anxious where you, you know, you're not sure about what an Andy's man club is gonna be.
Stuart Fawcett:You can check it out. It the online platform really does work and help a lot of people.
Chris Johannes:You talk about the format. Can you walk us through the format a little bit? So if I was somebody listening and I was like, oh, well, kinda sound like, you know, I wanna judge you, but I'm still a bit unsure. Yeah. As a facilitator yourself, can you walk us through how that would go if I was having
Stuart Fawcett:that Obviously, once you found your club or on you know, join you're joining online on that runs 7 till 9 as well. It's walk up. The hardest thing to do is walk through the door on on the first night, but there is a team of facilitators there, all guys that walk through the door. They'll guide you in, have that all important cup of tea and a biscuit and a chat, you know, just just to you know, like we're doing now, just a chat. And then we sit in a room, sit in a circle, and we have the Andes man club football, which we pass pass around, and that's the talking ball.
Stuart Fawcett:The ball if you've got the ball, it's your chance to talk. If you don't wanna talk, pass the ball. And then we base it on 5 questions each week. So the first three questions stay the same every week, and that's how's your week been? Positive from your week and anything to get off your chest.
Stuart Fawcett:And we find by rather than that's where it changes is, like, ask have 15 lads sat in the room and ask them how they're feeling today. They'll be all gonna go, yeah. I'm alright. Ask them how their week's been. It creates that conversation.
Stuart Fawcett:It brings conversation into the room, and then guys see what people have been doing, how they've maybe overcome something, maybe how, you know, what they're going through. And then someone offers a bit of support in how they've overcome something. Positive from your week, always a positive you walk through that door. You know, no matter what, it's there's always a positive we can pull out of of a week. And then anything to get off your chest, that's obviously where all the guys share their stories, share what they're going through, and that can get quite deep sometimes as you can imagine.
Stuart Fawcett:So we have a break after that where and that's where the guys all get together and talk and mingle and make those friendships, that brotherhood we talk about at AMC. After that, we have 2 further questions. They change up every week, and they're a lot more light hide. We want the guys to leave on a on a bit of a high, smile on their face, be able to talk about, you know, and and move on and be able to come back next Monday and share a little bit more, unload a little bit more. And they'll be based around things like what you're doing for your well-being next week, what's your favorite movie quote, 1 the other week.
Stuart Fawcett:If you could have a billboard, what would you put on it? You can imagine what 4 and a half 1000 guys will have got billboards across the country. That lifts the mood because it has to be there has to be that banter. There has to be that whole environment needs to be there also. While we're unloading stuff, we need to have that you need to have that lad banter as well.
Peter Ely:Yeah. That's, I mean, that's something that we're very, very we we're solution focused hypnotherapists, the the 4 of us. And and we do talk about positive psychology and it and it is it's really important to be walking away with with that mindset of I can achieve the next week. I can get through the next week. So that's really nice.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Yeah. We have a lot of bad banter with Gary, don't we? You know?
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Well, they they call it banter.
Peter Ely:Well, I noticed that you haven't got your your earphones on today. So yeah.
Gary Johannes:Well, I I I'm trying to to see if the sound's okay without them because, I can't stand the banter. It takes me about 5 minutes to work out of the plug a bit, and that's all it is. So, you know, they think I I don't know technology. But I know, you know, I know how to tune in the middle, medium wave radio.
Peter Ely:Excellent. Yeah. Thanks for that. We are we are really close to the the kind of 40 minute mark. So before I ask the last question, I'll go.
Peter Ely:Does anybody else have a a question for Stuart, Gary? Of course, you do.
Gary Johannes:Go for it. Well, the main question for me is how Stuart got from needing any man's club to be a facilitator? What's the ingredients that you have found the most ingredient beneficial to you?
Stuart Fawcett:I think it all comes down to being alongside other lads and guys walking through that door, seeing them where I was 2 years ago, and being able to offer that support network platform to them to hopefully get them out of where they are to be able to move forward. It's a start I think it's the starting point for a lot of men is to it gives you a Andy's man club gives you a voice back. It gives you a confidence back, and it gives you a courage back to be able to talk. And that's where it changes up is we're getting there before we get to crisis point. We're getting there.
Gary Johannes:And what bit of all of that was the catalyst for you?
Stuart Fawcett:The biggest catalyst was me wanting to spread the word and get a platform out, and open that door to the next next one man all day long.
Gary Johannes:Mhmm. Fantastic.
Peter Ely:So at the end of all the podcasts, I know we've talked a lot about Andy's man club and when it is, but if someone wants to find you online or find where their local groups are, how do they go about that shit?
Stuart Fawcett:So pop on to andysmanclub.co.uk. There's a club finder on there. You can enter your postcode or your town. It'll come up with any local club near you. If there isn't a club local to you, as I said, there's the online platform, which works really well.
Stuart Fawcett:And that's a quick email to info at andysmanclub.co.uk, where you'll be able to receive you'll receive a link for a online call at 7 o'clock on a Monday, and you'll be in a room that's it goo like a Google Meet type call where you'll be in a room with sort of 15, 20 guys facilitated by guys that have all walked through the door and same same platform as what I spoke about other than you gotta make your own team, basically.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:Of course. But, yeah, that that's that's how you get online. And, yeah, it's a great place to be able to use the use the platform and get something off your chest.
Peter Ely:And they're all kind of that that sort of small, so it's not you're not gonna get into a group where you've got, like, hundreds of people
Stuart Fawcett:that We we're we're all about giving everybody that chance to talk. You know, even even our face to face clubs where I think that's important to know is, like, even our face to face clubs where we've got maybe 60 guys turning up on a Monday night, It's about that we we will break down into smaller groups, smaller circles. Right. So so still everybody gets that. You're never overwhelmed or never pushed to feel like, oh, someone shared their story.
Stuart Fawcett:I'm I'm gonna be quiet tonight. We we never want that to happen. We want people to be able to have that chance to speak and be able to yeah.
Gary Johannes:And not be overwhelmed, which is
Stuart Fawcett:And not be overwhelmed. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Johannes:Amazing. What, what biscuits did you have?
Stuart Fawcett:If mate. Everything from custard creams to jammy dodges to. Gotta gotta be my favorite as a custard cream person. There is some controversy over Jaffa Cakes, though, whether they are a cake hit.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. You gotta be careful with that one.
Peter Ely:Yeah. That starts wars. Amazing.
Gary Johannes:It upsets the VAT.
Chris Johannes:Not with that. It It does.
Peter Ely:It upsets the VAT and that's the whole point of it. It was a, it became a VAT thing. Stuart, thank you so much for your time and sharing your story with us. It's been a real pleasure hearing your story and talking to you. So I will say goodbye, and I'll let the chap say goodbye.
Peter Ely:Thank you very much, Stuart, and and goodbye.
Gary Johannes:Yep. Thank you very much, Stuart. It's really been enlightening, and I'm gonna be passing on the word all over the place. Thank you.
Stuart Fawcett:Thanks, Gary.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Thanks, Stuart. Really good to hear your story, mate. I'm actually interested in, the southeast side of Andy's mom's club if, you know, it comes down to Kent Way.
Stuart Fawcett:There's there's good news there. I'm working working in with Gilligan FC at the moment. We can catch up with that. Yeah. Yeah.
Stuart Fawcett:Definitely. Thanks, mate.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. Thanks for coming to Jira. It's been fantastic hearing about what you do. I think it's a fantastic service you guys provide, so thanks for sharing.
Stuart Fawcett:Thanks, mate.
Peter Ely:And thank you very much for everybody for listening. We hope to catch you in the next episode of inspired mentor.
