From Abandonment to Business Success: Casey Parram on Overcoming Struggles, Fatherhood, and Redefining Success
Hello, and welcome to this episode of inspired men talk. We've got a wonderful guest, Casey. He's gonna come and talk to us about his story. He's got a very, very successful business, and we're gonna listen a little bit about Casey and where he came from and how it all came about. So without hanging around, Casey, do you wanna introduce yourself?
Chris Johannes:Give the folks a bit of a background.
Casey Parram:Yeah. I appreciate, obviously, having me on the, podcast. I'm Casey, a fractional CMO and business coach, which is a fancy way of saying I help business owners with their marketing. Had a really sort of extensive career in digital marketing. I grew up, and so working class background.
Casey Parram:Primarily my main focus was football as probably most kids in the UK wanted to be a footballer. And then sort of around the age of 16, went through quite a turbulent divorce with my parents and I had a bad attitude trying to process the trauma. I had a bad relationship with my football coaches, which made me turn my back on football. After that, I was like, well, sort of pursue my interest into education. Applied to really good universities.
Casey Parram:The main one being Oxford when I was rejected from work. I'm done with education. I went straight into entrepreneurship, interned under a few very successful people, seeking my exposure from who I believe were really successful people, And then build my way up, which led me to start my own businesses. And then it was around 2, 3 years ago. You know, I'd had my own businesses.
Casey Parram:I'd helped scale multiple businesses, and I was just really just sort of, like, burnt out. Had spent a long time just, like, really braving, really sort of working hard, not realizing the sort of cost it was having to me mentally and physically. And I'd also become a dad a few years ago. So it was just a real sort of shift of prioritizationally. Exit 1 of the businesses, distanced myself from the other hand, repositioned into what I do now, striving for a greater life balance, and just really actually prioritizing my life in accordance to what I feel is important as opposed to sort of times I was living out previously.
Casey Parram:And, yeah, that's what we need to do today.
Chris Johannes:Thank you for sharing that, Casey. A couple of things that you've mentioned there that I think would be great to delve into more. First of all, your early years background, the way we we talk about that turbulent divorce that your parents went through and how that affected you and your life, which obviously took you in different directions. But one of the things you mentioned was you had a very bad attitude due to it. Can you talk more about that?
Casey Parram:Yeah. Of course. In context, I grew up without a father. It was just me and my mom. She brought my stepdad into my life, which was only a real sort of friendly male role model I had from around the age of 6.
Casey Parram:However, he was very sort of black and white in his approach to parenting, you know, very dictatorial children should be seen and heard. His loving and affection, I craved having been abandoned by my biological father. I never got when they separated and obviously went through that process of divorce. For me, I'd kind of internalize that as me being abandoned again through the low fault of my own, which I think sort of compounding with, again, lack of sort of male role models. I really just had this sort of dismissive, I don't need anyone attitude, which is sort of extended into my footballing career with my coaches.
Casey Parram:You know? It was like, I relied on talent, so I didn't need to lean sort of listen to them. I would get away with the bare minimum because of my talent, which wasn't actually helping. It was fueling this dismissive. I don't need anyone attitude.
Casey Parram:That compounded over the years. It was a bit of an ego. It really sort of stemmed from that whole fear of I don't wanna allow people close to me out of fear of abandonment and rejection. It's worth unpick that and understand where it's coming from.
Gary Johannes:You mentioned football as a career. Was it playground, football, school team, or more than that?
Casey Parram:I used to play for a local club lately. I'm a born and bred Tottenham fan.
Gary Johannes:North of the river.
Casey Parram:I played to a a decent degree for my age, but at that level, they were looking for a real criteria. If someone got the right attitude, They're applying themselves. So they're willing to go above and beyond. And is this their sort of primary focus? And for me, as much as I had the talent, I was too distracted.
Casey Parram:I wasn't applying myself in the right way. And, again, that sort of willingness to learn and take on board feedback and criticism, I I must have been an absolute nightmare to to sort of coach.
Gary Johannes:What was the big the the fact that you had distractions or the fact that you wasn't very good at taking on board criticism to, you know, which probably would have been constructive, but you wouldn't have seen it. So what was the biggest challenge for you?
Casey Parram:The biggest challenge for me was distractions. Football was always my main passion. I played 4 or 5 times a week. And the only times I didn't play was when I physically couldn't or I had other commitments. So I think the, the actual distractions was it seeping over into my actual enjoyment for the sport because I couldn't concentrate.
Casey Parram:I had external worries. When that was affecting my performance, it was just this bubbling of frustration that really I I was in no capacity and I felt completely adequate to deal with, let alone process. And it's all echoed as I got older and dealt with other problems. My inability to sort of process emotion created this sense of frustration of I'm going to suppress these emotions and these feelings so I don't have to deal with them, not realizing they would ultimately affect my performance, be it in business, in relationships, or just even my, my sort of day to day enjoyment of life. I learned through therapy was you can't selectively numb emotions.
Casey Parram:I was very much gonna suppress everything, But in doing so, I suppressed joy, excitement, happiness, love. There was a cost, but I was happy to pay it because I didn't know any different.
Benn Baker-Pollard:What was the turning point for you that made you realize you needed some help or was looking for a way out to change it?
Casey Parram:For me, it was becoming a dad. That's why I was 22 when I had my son. It was a joyful experience growing up without a father. I didn't have a good male role model, so I didn't know what I meant to be a good dad. I had an example of who I didn't wanna be, and therefore, I had this idea of I need to be the total opposite.
Casey Parram:So my dad wasn't anything to me. I thought I needed to be everything for my son. I'm sure a lot of fathers feel the same when the child is first born. Mom is primary carer, takes care of most feeding, and you're just there to support as best as you can. But what I sort of internalized was this feeling of rejection of I'm a spare part.
Casey Parram:I'm less of a father, not as useful. I really didn't like that because what I didn't realize it was bringing about all of these sort of feelings of abandonment. I felt like I was failing as a father. And as my son got older, it was really starting to affect my own sort of insecurities as a parent. I was absolute in wanting to change my relationship with my son and led me to, therapy through that process and being very honest and transparent that, I guess, I was able to identify where these issues actually stemmed from.
Casey Parram:The veil was removed as to how much they were actually affecting every aspect of my life. This idea of fear of abandonment was not allowing me to be vulnerable. Every relationship I had was surface level. I wasn't making deep meaningful connections because I was playing up to a character who was very well guarded by thought. By doing that, you know, people won't feel that I need something from them or I'm burden or, you know, it's a a very sort of one way relationship.
Casey Parram:And that that was a pattern in every aspect of my life, but I'd kind of got away with it up until the point I had a child. All of a sudden, there were no more hiding. It led me to questions the love and feelings I have for my own son. Why did my dad not have those for me? Previously, I would dismiss it and be like, oh, well, it's his loss.
Casey Parram:Not my problem. I don't really care when I realized I I didn't care and couldn't understand it. It was brought to the surface when I became a father. What was the when you became a father? 22.
Casey Parram:Pretty young.
Chris Johannes:Your story speaks volumes to a lot of people that I don't need anybody attitude. I can manage the world on my own, particularly young men. I think that's prevalent now that you get a lot of young men and young women. Young people are very much of, I've gotta take on the world myself. I've gotta defend everything I've for my own sake.
Chris Johannes:And I think sometimes that attitude can spiral into that lack of ability to communicate and lack of ability to process. And even that bit you said about when you became a father and felt redundant and almost rejected, I have been through that. You know, when I had my son, I felt very much a spare part. I felt very much a I'm not needed here, and that bond that everybody talks about didn't form very immediately. It didn't form, and I thought that was me doing something wrong.
Chris Johannes:You know? And I think there's lots of men go through that. We all talk about having a child, and you hear it in the films and on TV and other people talking about it of this joyous moment where you where you have this immediate bond. Of course, there is that immediate parental instinct, but that bond from a father to a son, I don't think can is always that instant, and I think that's something not many people are talking about. You know?
Chris Johannes:I mean, I've got a fantastic relationship with my son now. He's, gonna be 11 next month. But that initial bonding that didn't come up straight away, and I did blame myself for that. And I think you just you bringing that up, it's just made a lot of things going on my head, and people don't talk about that. And I think many men deal with that issue.
Chris Johannes:But, Casey, where are you now? You've turned it around for the right reasons. What are you doing with this newfound
Casey Parram:openness? Any form of self development is always a work in progress. I operate in phases determined by my personal priorities. As a, I guess, a consequence of the work that I've done previously, I would say every aspect of my life has been better. My relationships are much deeper.
Casey Parram:The large part of that has been an openness to be myself, but equally to kind of define who I am and not allow that to be this malleable placid surface level character. I have a great friendship group, which existed previously, but not to the depth it does now. That support system has been pivotal in navigating the other changes that I've made with regards to my career and growing as a parent. My son has great role models around him. The the type of support system that I didn't necessarily have, It's been the work in progress.
Casey Parram:It's allowed me to really reacclimatize and prioritize important things in my life. Career wise, I'm in a fortunate position that I I've worked hard in my younger years. And I would say a lot of that is down to just the sort of trauma that I was running from of I need to achieve. I need to work hard and just burying myself in work. Some great successes came, but I haven't gone through that process.
Casey Parram:I recalibrated my priorities. I don't wanna work that hard anymore. It's not healthy. I, you know, I'm working towards a goal that I didn't settle, define, just trying to escape. Instead of using my previous experience to align my actions now based on outcomes I value, and I feel aligned with my identity in the future.
Chris Johannes:Yeah. I don't wanna hog the questions too much, but there's something you've mentioned that I really want to go go over. You think you would have been equally successful, if not more successful, if you wasn't running from those traumas as you put it?
Casey Parram:Never in a 1000000 years. I've worked with celebrities, athletes, millionaires. I believe there isn't a single successful person who isn't operating from trauma. It's one of the first questions I've asked a mentor of mine built and exited, 47 companies. I asked him this question.
Casey Parram:It was like, it's my belief that everyone who is successful is operating from some sort of place of trauma because you have to be willing to operate to a degree that a normal healthy person wouldn't be able to operate at and make sacrifices that they wouldn't be able to do. He agreed a 100%, and then he sort of dived into his story as to why he was as successful as he, well, I guess, still actually is. And his was very different. It was he lost his younger sister at a very young age, and that gave him a real perspective of how short life is. So by the time his competitors had done their analysis, he'd already made a decision.
Casey Parram:He'd acted, and it was his ability to act quick that was a determining factor of his success. So to answer to your question, it is a firm belief of mine that every sort of successful person is operating from some place of trauma to varying degrees, and I'm yet to meet an exception.
Gary Johannes:Do you think people who've been through trauma come out the other side, but use the knowledge, the skills, and the resilience they've now got because they've been through that trauma to keep being more successful, keep that success, but enjoy it. Because what you said earlier, you was going through working like a demon, but not enjoying anything. Everything was surface level, so you were never successful. You might have been generating income or generating so do you think it's success is based on, I've been through trauma. I know what it is.
Gary Johannes:I now know it's well informed, but it's not where who I am now.
Casey Parram:It depends on your definition of success. If you'd asked 22, 23 year old me, was I successful? I would say, yeah. I was making lots of money. I was perceived by all of my friends and family to be doing Definition.
Casey Parram:My definition now, I'm more successful. From a financial perspective, I'm doing better. But my willingness to take a step back from that was wholeheartedly acknowledged that my success looks very different to how it did then. Success to me now is I pick my son up from school at free on a Wednesday. I don't look at my laptop until Thursday or this 6 weeks holiday.
Casey Parram:I've been able to be present and enjoy time with him. My definition of success has completely changed.
Gary Johannes:You've worked with a lot of spectacular people who are happily successful.
Casey Parram:Yes and no.
Gary Johannes:For me, success is happiness, contentment, or moving towards that, you know. Ben's not said a word yet, so I've given him a space to speak because he's
Benn Baker-Pollard:I'm listening tentatively. Waiting to see what point you're gonna make, Gary.
Gary Johannes:People define success. Everybody do has got their own version of it. But, ultimately, it all comes down to enjoying whatever they are producing, whether that's money, whether that's wealth of happiness, wealth of friends, but they're able to really enjoy it rather than just be on that treadmill, which it you know, we see a lot of footballers on that treadmill, regardless of how much money you give them, they're still not happy. So that was the point I was trying to make or or trying to find out from Casey when you go from chasing success to being success?
Benn Baker-Pollard:You need to find your happiness in order to be successful, not be not, you know, try and be successful to find your happiness.
Gary Johannes:There's over 200 studies proving that as well. Yeah.
Casey Parram:I was financially driven motivated, but it always plagued me that everyone says you don't need to buy a fancy car, etcetera, to realize that it's not gonna make you happy. But then I thought, is it possible to come to the same conclusion without having done the thing? So is it possible to realize that the big car, the big house won't make you happy unless I actually achieve it? And I think it stems from, you know, it's easier to achieve your dreams than to renounce them. I don't believe you can come to that conclusion without having done the thing because you'll always be plagued by what if that curiosity or that question of was I capable.
Casey Parram:A lot of successful people struggle with those demons or unresolved issues. In a regardless of any material success
Gary Johannes:It depends. You've gotta win the trophy to to see you're capable. That's what should drive you. But if it's still driving you after you've been through and you've won 4 cups, it's like, why is this not satisfying me? I know lots of people who have massive success in anybody's book, and they're still unhappy.
Gary Johannes:Success didn't fix the problem. They've never looked at the problem. They've never done what you did at 22. And when I've done everything I need to do, I'm not happy. I need to find out why.
Gary Johannes:I've won every trophy. Now I need to work out why that hasn't satisfied me. We've grown and evolved. You've done that beautifully. You said you changed when you became a father.
Gary Johannes:How long was it from getting a son to realizing that you had a smaller role than you was hoping for because that loss in yourself to actually go in? Actually, I need to fix this because many people take care for years. Some people measure that in go, wow. This is not what I thought. But they're not ever capable of facing it.
Gary Johannes:So how long did it take you before you realized?
Casey Parram:It was a good 2 years into being a father before I did anything about it. I was suffering in silence. There wasn't a rule book for fatherhood. No one had gifted me that book, and I didn't have anyone that I could sort of turn to and be like, you know, how do you be a good father? What does he look like?
Casey Parram:My brother is the best role model in terms of being a parent that I could lean on, and I am grateful to have had that. But the idea of going to him and saying, I don't feel good enough. Can you guide me was completely foreign. It just wasn't something I did. And, again, it was very much tied into my ego of Casey's got his shit together.
Casey Parram:He knows what he's doing. So, yeah, a good 2 years then, you can't selectively numb emotion. This was heightenism. I was finding it harder to be ignorant to these feelings. It was materializing in other aspects of my life.
Casey Parram:Friendships, relationships, and work. It got to a point where I said, this is a problem that if I don't address now, it's gonna rear its head pretty badly because I can't be ignorant to it anymore. That's a 2 year period where just everything was it felt like it was falling apart and it was completely beyond my control. I was like, I I need to
Benn Baker-Pollard:try something different. You chose therapy. How did you decide which therapy to do? How did you cross that bridge? Speak to your GP.
Benn Baker-Pollard:What's that journey? Because a lot of people won't
Casey Parram:know where to begin. I'm bad at going to my GP. I'll shrug it off, sleep, train, and it will fix itself. I still believe I'm invincible. I have the
Chris Johannes:Podcast about that.
Casey Parram:Yeah. But no. It actually came from one friend who probed deeper than my generic responses. When anyone would ask how I am, I'd like, good. Busy with work.
Casey Parram:How are you? And I would deflect the conversation onto the other person because I was in control of the dynamic and it meant I didn't have to talk about myself. It took for one friend to push back and say, no, like, how are you? I've noticed this change in your behavior. What's going on?
Casey Parram:Thankfully, he had been through something similar, struggling with his mental health, and he was very transparent. Hey. I started speaking to this woman. It's a bit woo woo, but it helps. Maybe you should have a conversation with her.
Casey Parram:His vulnerability to accept help and recognize my behaviors had changed, not just take my everything's fine answer. He he saw something and told me to speak to her.
Chris Johannes:I did.
Casey Parram:It was great.
Chris Johannes:That speaks volumes about what we do. The idea of inspired men talk is men do talk given the right environment. If something inspires you to talk, you will talk. And that goes for men in general. You know?
Chris Johannes:And that's what where we got the name for the podcast. One thing I really wanna ask is with all you've been through, I mean, you've you've touched on the fact that you think everybody's it's successful driven on trauma. That's a great conversation to have on its own. But what do you do now in your role as a coach that you use from your experiences to help other people? What do well, you know, how do you help other people?
Casey Parram:Great question. It's my favorite topic. So, again, look. Most business founders will have they're crazy enough to believe that they have this idea that they can take from their brain and wield it into existence. And I love those willing to dare to achieve.
Casey Parram:For me, coaching has been full of its questioning why do these activities align with decisions and objective, or are you just operating on default? So a lot of my clients will you know, they've achieved some degree of success, and they have this idea. They need to scale and grow and work harder, more revenue, more profit, whatever, more team. But then when I sit and I'm like, okay. Well, what does scale look like for you personally?
Casey Parram:What's your zone of excellence? Where do you wanna be in the business? What's your business superpower? Are you gonna engineer yourself into a position where you're doing that? Or are you actually creating a bigger problem for yourself that, you know, it's not gonna lead to fulfillment?
Casey Parram:Coaching for me is making sure the solopreneurs, that's where you don't swap a 9 to 5 for a 247. It's creating a business that gives you the outcomes you want. So you're not a slave to the business and this machine that you've sort of created for yourself. And, you know, whether it's payroll and this responsibility of other people, all of these pressures, burdens, you know, I don't think a lot of people are actually aware or even adequately prepared to deal with these. They just accept it as a cost to business or cost of doing business and the cost of being successful.
Casey Parram:Whereas my framing is very much, you know, there is probably a version of your business that aligns with you as a person. And as the person steering the ship, everything should be orientated around you, which is very contrary to the actual definition of a business. You know? A business exists to do something for others they can't or won't do themselves. But not to say that it should always be at the expense of the person who's actually creating the business in the 1st place.
Chris Johannes:Fantastic answer.
Gary Johannes:Oh, because you're absolutely right. Most solopreneurs do work 247. It goes with the territory in every single book you read. You've gotta get up at 5 AM, and you've gotta which I I've always resisted the hell, you've got to be working before anybody else gets to work and all of that. If you're trauma before you're running away, that's almost you want to be 247.
Gary Johannes:Otherwise, you have to deal with whatever's that trauma. So how do you manage to go from working out what someone's trauma is or getting them to acknowledge it through to going, but you only have to work 9 till 5 or whatever the timing is. Because their alignment is to keep running from the trauma.
Casey Parram:The first stage for me is awareness. That stems from asking deeper questions. One aspect of business coaching is driving revenue, increasing profits. People wanna make more money through working with me, which I get. But the real value is bringing them greater sense of clarity and alignment.
Casey Parram:So it's creating and facilitating space with them to ask questions that they probably are avoiding, but almost encouraging them and guiding them through answering it in a way that they can link it back to something they care about. When I was, you know, running from trauma, so to speak, if someone would come to me and ask me what's your why, what relevance does that have to me? I don't care. Like, my why is I wanna make loads of money, and I wanna be successful. But creating a space of, you know, you are currently doing these things, and it's not sustainable long term because of the issues it's causing.
Casey Parram:Maybe not spending enough time with the wife or, you know, as presently with the kids or managing people and taking out frustrations because you don't want to be managing people. You wanna be leading people, but you feel that's a role that you need to sit in because that's what the business requires. The idea of you doing those things and me all of a sudden adding consequence to doing those things and making you aware of it, well, suddenly, that's a problem you now need to address. But in doing it in an environment and having someone to provide different context, insight, or even share my own personal experience, it creates a space where we can sit and ask those thought provoking questions, but then equally have some sort of tangible outcome attached to it that they actually care about. Because in their mind, doing the self work around why why am I working so hard?
Casey Parram:What do I want this business to look like? What outpost do I want? Those are things that they care about immediately. Whereas from my perspective, I'm linking it back to what I consider to be the the greater questions that are more meaningful and deeper for them. So rather than kind of running from trauma, it's addressing those greater desires on why they might be there.
Casey Parram:It's usually very fulfilling for them and for me. Bringing them to the surface is enough for them to address or start to speak about it. I don't know if to answer the question.
Chris Johannes:It sounds much like why we do therapy. We're very solution focused. We don't necessarily look into the traumas as such, but it's very much a, okay. What do you want to change? How do you want to be?
Chris Johannes:What difference would that make? Engineering that to a fine point where they can see how to get to the end goal. Effectively being happy is what we do. That affects everything in your life, of course. You know?
Chris Johannes:I did have a really, really good question. I completely forgot. Everybody else got a question. Ben?
Benn Baker-Pollard:I was gonna actually ask about I think there's a delay or a lag on this while while waiting for the conversation to catch up. Do you say you'd use a solution focused approach? Where did that come from? How did
Casey Parram:you get into that? I've worked with coaches, mentors for 10 to 12 years. Coaching is a sweet science, having loads of tools to cater bespoke solutions to the individual I'm working with. Now a more scalable version is what I have as my blueprint. It's a system that I take people through to kind of get them the outcomes that they come to me for initially.
Casey Parram:But that's not to say that I can't tailor that depending on what the individual's requirements. I work with a lot of successful people, a lot of business owners, and they are very problem solution driven. You know, the very idea of a business, it's just solving a problem. So using language in that is very relevant to how they conceptualize the world in terms of systematic problem solution, that was a way that I was able to, I guess, breach the the more kind of wooly language around transformation. If I say to a business owner, do you wanna increase your profits?
Casey Parram:Absolutely. That's the conversation they wanna entertain. But if I say, do you want more clarity in your business? It it's irrelevant to them. For me, the the whole idea of, like, bringing about solutions and, you know, in effect, it's always clarity.
Casey Parram:People are stuck for three reasons. They don't know what to do, why they need to do it, or how they need to do the thing. So in essence, it's always clarity, but the idea of talking about solutions and speaking in that way is very much just a case of it has greater resonance with the types of people I work with.
Gary Johannes:You brought up 2 wonderful topics. I I can just imagine people listening to this podcast, in either camp or maybe some people actually in both camps. You've talked about the challenges of being a a child of a single parent, having a a stepdad she was close to, then a divorce, and how it left you feeling disconnected with the world, worrying about potential is shutting down, which you know affected every aspect of your life. And there's must be people out there. We we we had one person on the call as a guest who she was won a charity about lads and his dads.
Gary Johannes:There's no mentoring for children without dads. One thing is a role model, but actually they mentor you too. And that you said your brother helps with that so you can watch and be mentored. Growing up in that atmosphere and having a bad attitude and possibly ruined potential because you had a poor bit. And then you come into the business side, and you're still a young man.
Gary Johannes:You're working at a high level. You're dealing with people, and I deal a lot of it with and I have done it a lot. Well, coached and but actually done a lot of work with people with mental health issues, but they've got limiting beliefs. They get stuck because they've reached success, but their running has run out. To push through, they've gotta adapt, change.
Gary Johannes:So I guess what I'm asking, and I'll waffle a lot there, but I guess what I'm asking is normally, I you've got 2 different people. The old you and the new you. What what tips would you give to somebody who's 20 or 18 going through those stroppy challenges of a teenager with on steroids really to, you know and they're using all sorts of coping mechanisms, whether it's anger or just absolute or attitude or whether it's drink or drugs. How do you deal with people when they're stuck? They're successful, but they're gonna lose their success because they've come to the end of their running.
Casey Parram:Advice to old me, I reflect a lot. I look back with compassion because I didn't know better. I was doing the best I can with the information I had. A lot comes from information. Proactively seek out those who are further ahead of you.
Casey Parram:That's something that I always did in terms of business, but I didn't do it for anything to do with mental health. So there's a road of houses not too far from where I grew up, and, you know, it's like 6, 7 bedroom mansions. And I just didn't understand what those people could do for work to afford those houses. I wrote letters and posted, and I ended up having coffee with 1 of the guys. And he sat and told me for he inherited his house, which completely defied the point.
Casey Parram:But it was very much a case of I didn't have access to those people, so I proactively sought it. You have the opportunity with the Internet or any network to get information and experiences from those ahead of you. Nothing in your life hasn't already been done before. Someone out there who's gone through what you've gone through or has solved the problems that you are encountering. So proactively going out and seeking advice, mentorship, guidance, shared experiences, even a 5 minute conversation is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, suffering in silence.
Gary Johannes:Do do you think that when the 18 year or 16 year old, you do you think anybody noticed? If somebody had put their arm around you in the right way to to point where they could connect, you would have listened? Do you think there was any help out there?
Casey Parram:No. I don't think there was help. I didn't have male role models. The closest thing I had was books by Jordan Peterson and my English teacher. These people taught me more about values as a man than anyone else.
Casey Parram:Whether I should or shouldn't have had to rely on those people is another conversation. But that is the only kind of guidance or structure I got. I felt that I needed something more, and I proactively saw it from those people.
Gary Johannes:Do do you think responsibility in the football club Do you think there was a responsibility of those people who were potentially invested in you to support you or as soon as you didn't fit, push you out?
Casey Parram:I would've it it wasn't a case of no one wasn't aware of my situation that was very honest about it. And even within that, you know, the the difference in change of my behavior, it wasn't for no reason. It's not like I was always a bad kid. I was hardworking, applied myself. There was a drastic shift in my behavior.
Casey Parram:Had the right questions been asked, it would have been brought to light, but it was, you know, he's teenager, bad attitude, doesn't really want it, etcetera. It was easier to dismiss me than deal with the problem. I don't think there was enough attention paid to it. However, that belief doesn't serve me, so all I can do is look inward and take accountability. I didn't help myself in that situation because I didn't ask for help.
Casey Parram:All I did was try and hide it from the world. And even as I've matured, I can go out and ask for help, etcetera. But that burden of responsibility lies on me sitting around and waiting for people to pick up on, you know, changes of behavior, changes of attitude, or changes in my work ethic. That's not good enough because I'm putting that responsibility on other people and other people have their own lives, their own responsibility problems. I'm grateful I have people who notice and pick up, but I have to adopt that approach myself.
Casey Parram:And with my friends, I will check-in check-in on them if I haven't heard in them for a while. I have to live and breathe that two way connection and relationship because that's what's caused me a greater depth of connections. When I spoke about, you know, very one-sided relationships previously, I had a generic response. Life's good. Everything's perfect.
Casey Parram:I'm just really busy with work. Now it's not uncommon for me to say this week's been a bit shit, and here's why. Because the idea of someone opening up to me has to stem from them knowing that the opposite is also true. You have to sit in the shit with them for them to feel comfortable. It can't be one-sided.
Casey Parram:That's not meaningful connection.
Gary Johannes:Ben spoke about that on a previous podcast, didn't you, Ben? About being able to share with people you knew you could trust.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Yeah. It is important. When you've got trauma, it gives you, I say, soul and an understanding of, of people in life, and that allows you to make those connections. People who haven't experienced trauma don't have that same relatability.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
Chris Johannes:Absolutely. We're getting close to our time, nearly at 50 minutes. I've got one more question for you, Casey. You've spoken a lot about where you were, where you are, what you do through other people. And one of the things you said is about finding out why you're doing what you're doing.
Chris Johannes:And my last question is, why are you doing what you're doing? What's your why?
Casey Parram:It would be easy to give the honest version that I give clients deep down. Everyone becomes the person they needed when younger. In my personal life as a father, as a coach, as a business owner, I am some to some degree exemplifying that. And that's the whole idea of I want to assist people in achieving their dreams, encouraging them and looking out for pitfalls. If I can do that as a parent, great.
Casey Parram:That is my greatest satisfaction. If I can do that as a business owner, I will receive great rewards. If I can do that through my friends and family, that feeling of loneliness and isolation I experienced before, I'll never have again. That is my why. It's addressing something that I went through previously that I don't want people to go through.
Casey Parram:And that is, you know, selfishly, that's why I do what I do. I love coaching because of the end of the call, I come off feeling great. The fact that I get paid for it is amazing bonus. With regards to spending time with my son, I love the conversations. I love seeing him grow and develop.
Casey Parram:It's the greatest feeling in the world. If he turns out to be a a great young man because of it. Then you said selfishly
Chris Johannes:a couple of times that what you're doing is always for other people. But your wise are always based on doing something for other people, even doing something for the younger you. So what are you doing for you? What's your wise
Casey Parram:for you? I don't see selfish as bad. Yeah. You used
Chris Johannes:the word selfish, but I don't feel that what you're doing is selfish. What are you doing that is selfish for you?
Casey Parram:I think pouring into other people selfishly makes me feel good. You can't pour into others if your cup's empty. But for me, filling my cup comes from pouring into other people, and it's living outwardly through the very kind of beliefs and ideas and values that I want to be a living, breathing example of. That is fulfillment for me. That is happiness come full circle.
Casey Parram:And, yeah, if that comes in from, you know, the work that I do, me as a parent, me as a a partner, a friend, great. That's the choice I make. Fantastic.
Gary Johannes:Can you No. That's that. Can you just repeat what you said earlier about your why? The first statement you made. Because I wanna capture that because it was brilliant.
Casey Parram:Yeah. I remember what I said.
Gary Johannes:Become the person you needed.
Casey Parram:Yeah. Everyone as they get older, you become the person you needed when you were younger. That's profound.
Chris Johannes:A fantastic view on things.
Gary Johannes:Still waiting.
Chris Johannes:Lagging.
Casey Parram:I don't know, Gary.
Benn Baker-Pollard:I've figured it out.
Chris Johannes:So, Casey, before we finish up, why don't you tell people how they can reach you, where what your socials are, where to find you?
Casey Parram:Yes. The best place to find me is on LinkedIn, and then just search my name. That's Casey Parham. Parham, b m p a, double r, a m. Yes.
Casey Parram:Best place to sort of connect with me.
Chris Johannes:Thank you, Casey. We're gonna end it there. It's been lovely having you. We could have talked to you for a long time. Thank you.
Casey Parram:Yep. Honestly, it's been my pleasure. I live for these conversations. The reason I do is just for as much as I hope other people find it useful. I really enjoy it.
Casey Parram:And, yeah, if there's 1 or 2 takeaways for other people, even better. But, you know, it's been great. And I really appreciate you guys having
Gary Johannes:me. Yeah. Thank you. There's definitely some takeaways. And somebody listening who has either been through or going through some challenges and realized they can move through it.
Gary Johannes:So that's wonderful to hear.
Benn Baker-Pollard:Thank you. Pleasure to meet.
