How He Finally Chose to Live Honestly | Daryl Hine (Part 2)
Download MP3Right. Let's get into it. And get the conversation started. Welcome to Inspired Men Talk. Podcast where we sit down with real people and talk about their journey.
Gary Johannes:The stuff they've been through. The bits that shape shaped them. And the moments where things started to change. We talk about men's mental health. But in a way that actually sounds like real life.
Gary Johannes:Some of it's serious. And some of it is a little bit lighter. But it's always honest and brave. Because most of this stuff doesn't get talked about enough. And if there's one thing we've seen time and time again It's that there's always a way back.
Gary Johannes:So I'm Gary. And I'm Peter. And this is Inspired Men Talk.
PeterEly:Welcome back to Inspired Men Talk. If you've listened to part one, you know, we've already covered some powerful ground. Now it's time for part two, where we continue the conversation and uncover what happened next.
Daryl Hine:But I'd seen, I'd met a guy and I'd started seeing him. So that was fine, but then Paul and I decided that we actually needed to sell the kids and the kids, we didn't, we certainly wasn't telling them that we're splitting up or anything because we hadn't decided that at all at that stage. We were, I think it was both delusional thinking we're still going to make it work somehow or that. But Paula was a bit concerned that I might get seen or something might come out and all the rest of it. So therefore it was a good idea to sit down with the kids and tell them what the situation was.
Daryl Hine:Now my kids had grown up, so they were all in their late teens or early twenties or whatever it was at the time. And they don't, one of them lived with us, two of us didn't. So trying to get them together is actually a pain in the ass. Yeah. We called a family meeting.
Daryl Hine:Didn't get around our house. We went around to Kerry's house, got all the kids, all three of them sat down in front of me. Paula sat to the side there. Of course, they were like, what the hell is going on? And they convinced themselves that we're just gonna say that one of us was ill.
Daryl Hine:Think that's
Gary Johannes:what
Daryl Hine:they thought was gonna happen. And we had this rather awkward then for me anyway.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Very awkward.
Daryl Hine:I was saying, okay. Well, there's something I need to tell you. And that is that, well, I'm interested in guys and I've been going out and seeing some guys. And it was almost like relief on their faces off with. Really bizarre, really bizarre.
Daryl Hine:Then the second reaction almost across all three of them was how's Paula? Is she okay? Is mom okay with this and what's the impact of it? And then third was the reaction to me. And that was awesome because all three of them was like, well, that's okay.
Daryl Hine:If that's who you are, you're still me dad. Don't make any difference. And that was kind of like really reassuring. And it was a lovely moment in a in a quite tricky situation.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. From my point of view of having three children almost identically as yours Yeah. You know, me and you lived fairly
Daryl Hine:Parallel lives.
Gary Johannes:Or parallel lives. Yeah. That's
Daryl Hine:Maybe not the last bit, Gary. I don't know.
Gary Johannes:Maybe not. Well, not not that I know of.
Daryl Hine:Never too late. You know?
Gary Johannes:No. Apparently not. Apparently not.
Daryl Hine:In the club.
Gary Johannes:I forgot what I was gonna say now.
PeterEly:You're going flustered. I love it.
Gary Johannes:So but I know that must that for me, that would be be one of the hardest moments of my life. And I don't know. You know, we it's funny. I was talking about it over today or yesterday about the impact parents have on children. Mhmm.
Gary Johannes:Not on grown up children necessarily, but the impact you have on young children so they can be decent adults. And I think it was kicked off Boulder literally everywhere, what they've been talking about on the news. Yeah. And, actually, your children have the maturity enough to go, you are what you are. Yep.
Gary Johannes:You are our dad. Just says so much about you and Paula as parents. And I think that's really important because I know kids of all age groups, 20 year olds and 15 year olds who wouldn't be able to cope with that sort of information, internalize it.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. No, they they were great. I mean, you know, bringing bringing the kids up in a in a stable environment with the sort of values we try to instal on them was really important. And I think in that moment, yeah, I felt proud of all three of them being able to cope with the information. I felt proud of the fact that they sort of like, first thoughts was about Paula or second thought was about Paula in terms of, is she okay?
Daryl Hine:And then third kind of like almost like reassuring to me in terms of I'm still their dad. So that was quite a massive milestone telling the kids, but there was still quite a period of time after that, that it was still a secret. And again, we were really struggling with the secrecy. I started seeing a guy then and he's the guy I'm still with actually. So I am clearly a stayer because I love
Gary Johannes:He came to my party. I mean, it was such a good party. All the best people were there.
Daryl Hine:Yeah, exactly. Was quite a period of time where nobody knew, the kids didn't know us seeing someone specific, they just knew us out having fun or whatever. And kind of like, it was that next bit that we had then had to deal with. So there was a deliberation coming up in as far as it was all secret still. I've been seeing Ed, who's my partner for some time and it was his big birthday coming up, his fortieth birthday coming up.
Daryl Hine:And he's from The Philippines, So he wanted to celebrate his fortieth birthday back in The Philippines. And he said, well, if you want to come, you can come. So it's like, wow. One is travel, you know, and you know what I'm like about travel. Two is like, great opportunity.
Daryl Hine:Three, I don't really wanna upset him. Four, oh shit, what's Paula gonna say? How on earth am I gonna deal with that? And I took another nosedive because again, I couldn't make this decision. So what am I gonna do?
Daryl Hine:I don't wanna upset Paula. I don't wanna upset Ed. I kind of want to go, but it's not, doesn't feel like the right thing to do to go.
Gary Johannes:So was you still in a relationship with Paula at the time? Yes. Technically married.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. Yes. It's a bizarre overlap, you know, we were at, but nobody knew apart from the three kids who knew I was doing whatever. Was like, nobody knew that I was out seeing someone. So, I was staying over occasionally at Ed's house, but Paul and I kept her in talking.
Daryl Hine:We worked within the rules of, what we said and she knew kind of what my habits were. So I'd go for breakfast in the morning with Ed and all the rest of it. And then one day is Ed and I'd gone to breakfast, had breakfast, got back in the car, started driving off and put my phone. Paula said, we need to talk. I said, yeah, okay.
Daryl Hine:We need to talk. So I and Ed, who'd never met, need to talk. Okay. Well, I'll try and organize it. No, we need to talk now.
Daryl Hine:I'm driving behind you. Followed me or found me and then basically said, we need to talk now. Bizarre. We turned around, we went back to Costa, coffee, got out of the car, did the pleasantries, taking hands and all the rest of it. Hi, good to know you.
Daryl Hine:All that sort of stuff went to Costa. It was a nice sunny day. So we sat down outside. I then went and got the coffees and all I could do is like watch them from a distance. They were talking to each other.
Daryl Hine:What are they saying? Did they complete each other? What happened? Anyway, the point of that little story was that Paula was saying, you have to make a decision. You have to make a decision whether you're to go to The Philippines or not.
Daryl Hine:And I think that was the beginning of the proper end really because, wouldn't let it go and, is that ultimately I decided I'd go to The Philippines. So I went to The Philippines. It was a real, I mean, it was nice to go there, but it was such an emotional journey. I think I cried all the way there. I cried all
Gary Johannes:the way back. Know, I'd That's a long flight. Must've been very dehydrated.
PeterEly:Dehydrated. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Gary, on the way back I had first, not first class, business class. This I can lie down and cry on the way back. That was something. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I came back and then I moved out
Gary Johannes:of the
Daryl Hine:house, you know, in terms of that realizing that was the end. After that, we were kind of on and off still for a while terms of like, did I want be there? Do I want to be at Paula? And we just didn't know what was going on. And eventually I went and saw someone over in Bristol who did a bit of regression stuff with me and dealt with a couple of issues with my mom and dad and my brother, which was good.
Daryl Hine:But I actually went there to sort out what am I going to do, make mom a decision? And I come away and she phoned me a couple of days later and said, oh, how's it going? And said to me in terms of like, you know, what's going on? I said, I still don't know. I just don't know what to do.
Daryl Hine:And she said, Daryl, you may never ever know what to do and you may never know what to do, but you just have to follow what your gut instinct is and accept that it might be wrong, it might be right, but you've got to do something and staying still and doing nothing is just causing you and the ones you love around you more harm. And that really struck me, you know, in terms of, I need to make a decision, you know, playing around, stop hurting Baller, stop hurting other people around us. Stop hurting Ed because he was on the back end of when we'd stop and all that sort of blah, blah, blah. Like, it it just got on too long and it's having the courage to make that decision. So I think, making that decision and arguably I'm not sure whether Paula made it for me or not but it all kind of happened is the biggest thing.
PeterEly:There was a couple of things there that just kind of jogged my memory. I remember I was working with a colleague once and he said he'd seen a quote and the quote was, the worst decision you can make is no decision. And I think that sums up what was said to you. You're hurting the people around you by not making a decision and it's matters of the heart. Right?
PeterEly:Yeah. You can never tell.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
PeterEly:But I think one of the things I was gonna ask, because you mentioned then mom, dad, brother, also your business. What happened? Was that impacted when it finally all came out?
Daryl Hine:So sadly, my mom and my dad, my brother all died.
Gary Johannes:Not because of the news.
Daryl Hine:Not because of the news. No, they might have done, who knows? But you know, that happened before then. So I mean, my dad actually died when I was 13. My mom died when I was 36 and my brother died when I was 55.
Daryl Hine:So they sadly never got to hear my story in terms of that. The business is that during that time of not knowing what we're doing, trying to work it out, breaking up, separating, getting back together again, it became really, really difficult. You know, really difficult. Both of us become disinterested in the business. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:We just couldn't cope with it. So, so that culminated with Paula leaving the business and doing something completely different. I kept the business going just about during that time. And then one of my clients wanted me to go to them full time. So I went and worked with them full time.
Daryl Hine:We kept the business going because Kerry came into the business, my daughter, and continued to work the business and then I'm back in the business as well. So yeah, it was tough, but you know, the business wasn't a priority. The priority was family, so that was the kids and Paula, and now was my relationship with Ed. Because by that time I'd been seeing him, you know, maybe only once a week for quite a long time, but I've been seeing him for a while and, you know, our relationship grew stronger. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Well,
PeterEly:wanted to jump in, sorry, Gary, if I may. First and foremost, the fact that Kerry Cameron joined the business just shows again how much support you got from your kids, which
Gary Johannes:is amazing.
PeterEly:And I think that's an incredible thing because you often hear when people go through these life changing situations that the kids will pick a parent, right? And usually, it's the one that's not making the change. So, I think that's an amazing thing and shows how good you were as parents. The other thing I wanted to ask, and it's a massive hypothetical question, if you could go back in time and make the decision at the beginning when you first knew, like to go, right, I'm going break off the relationship with Paula and just go for it. Would you have done that?
PeterEly:Or do you think know it doesn't. I know it's like we can't change it. We can't change what's happened. But is that something again, if people are listening, do you think make the decision, go for it, whichever way your decisions?
Daryl Hine:So the bit before that is I very much view my life as two chapters, two very different chapters, you know, and I love both of them. So I do not want to, would not want to change my first chapter, which is falling in love with Paula at 16, growing up, growing up together and having the kids, the family, the business, all that sort of thing. I wouldn't want to change any of that. I wouldn't. My second chapter now where I live with a guy, we travel around the world, we have a marvellous life is that everybody knows I'm gay is that I would not want to change that.
Daryl Hine:You know, I feel very comfortable in my own skin and if anybody saw any pictures of me on Facebook, they would have no doubt at all I'm gay. So it's kind of like I love life where it is at the moment. So to answer your question, it's that bit in the middle. So I'd say my second midlife crisis, which went on for maybe five years is quite a long period of time of realizing that life isn't quite right for me and that growing in my mind to going through all the turmoil and then going through actual fact, if I'm going to make a change, it's going to hurt other people. Then retreating because I don't want to hurt other people and then going forward again because I don't want to hurt myself and going in that loop.
Daryl Hine:And that's the bit I would like to change. You know, I would have liked to change. It was quite painful. I think I could have handled it better for Paula and for Ed, but I think I could have handled it better for Paula. I think that if I was brave enough, I would have made the decision earlier to say, do you know what?
Daryl Hine:Despite me not knowing what the right answer is, is that I know in my heart I need to go off and live this different life and try it out. Taking the blow of that really in terms of, because that would be painful for Paula if I'd come out with that at an earlier stage, But but I I think it would have been the most respectful way of doing it as opposed to what actually happened.
Gary Johannes:So Sure. I I won't necessarily agree with that. I think the transition took so long. I think back because I know a lot of your friendship group. Yeah.
Gary Johannes:I can't think of anyone, and if there are people, that's on them, but I can't think of anyone who didn't support both of you. Mhmm. Your children supported both of you. Yeah. Because nobody took sides.
Gary Johannes:No. That's because, okay, you might have taken a long time to work out where you wanted, but you cared for everybody in in between. And I think everybody noticed that care. I think, yeah, it it's like I went through I got a good kick in for over five years, but nobody else got a kick in because I took them all the punches Well, Paula. Around for You and Paula.
Gary Johannes:But Paula was again, the level of compassion she's got for you, for Ed, for all of her friends, all of her family, you almost like stood there and took it until everybody else was bled out and never fined. So I'll agree. Maybe.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. I do understand what you're saying and yeah, you can't turn the clock back and you don't know what it would be if it had been different from that point of view, but I think I searched for too long on what is the right answer. So I was stuck in a bubble and it wasn't a realistic bubble either, but it was, I was stuck in a bubble searching for what is the right answer. There's got to be a right answer. And it's either in this camp or it's in that camp.
Daryl Hine:And I couldn't see anything else.
Gary Johannes:Do you think that you couldn't come up with an answer because nobody involved was doing anything wrong? So Paula was just being amazing as Paula. You were being what actually you always should have been or, you know, you were true to yourself. Yeah. So nobody was the you know, in most relationship breakdowns, whether they're friendship groups or employee groups or relationships, there's always an aggressor.
Gary Johannes:There's always someone who stepped out of line. It was your fault. You did this. But, actually, Paula was being true to how sales and you was actually being authentic to who you needed to be. Yeah.
Gary Johannes:So if you'd had a a a antagonist, is it? Someone to blame? Yeah. It would have been easier, wouldn't it? There was nothing there was no one to blame.
Gary Johannes:It would
Daryl Hine:have been easy to get angry,
Gary Johannes:you know, in terms of why Something would have happened.
Daryl Hine:Yes. Yeah. Nothing And
Gary Johannes:happened because there was nothing to get angry about, so it festered longer.
Daryl Hine:And I think what's interesting is, you know, particularly with this topic of sexuality, that I grew up in an era where it wasn't acceptable. It was barely legal and it certainly wasn't accepted back in the seventies. So therefore it never became an option. I just suppressed that. I honestly believe sexuality is fluid and it's on a scale and it's you know, really not just there or there.
Daryl Hine:It's anything in between. And I was very, very happy in my marriage years to Paula, and that wasn't an issue. But, you know, these days is very different. People can be themselves most of the time, not in all situations, but most of the time. And it's easier for me to say now in today's environment, do you know what?
Daryl Hine:I want to be my authentic self and this is who I am. Ta da. I'm here. I couldn't have done that before. So, you know, I don't look back and think, oh, that's no good.
Daryl Hine:It's that I should have done something earlier. I think was five years too long? If I could reduce the hurt during that time, I would like to have found a way. I don't think it was ever going to be a switch because mine and Paula's relationship was so deep that it could never be the switch. It was one, her coming to terms with the fact that in actual fact, don't look like we're going to be together forever.
Daryl Hine:And me coming to terms with the fact that we ain't going to be together forever and I'm the one who's making that split happen, but my cause was great enough to make me feel I have to do it. And you know, that realization, I agree. I can't remember. I think Peter, said is that, you know, one of the worst things that you can do is nothing because your mental torture. I mean, you know, that's the only experience I've had of panic attacks, but I had lots of them all at night, all in the same time.
Daryl Hine:And it's kind of like, it's a horrible environment because you feel out of control. You just don't know how to deal with it. Your mind is just all over the place. Terrible.
Gary Johannes:It's I know it's completely off topic, but you said that Paula was like, come to terms. It's not gonna last forever. You've gotta come to it, and you were maybe the instigator of it because you followed your authenticity. Yeah. But it's interesting.
Gary Johannes:I see a lot of relationship breakdowns. So it's because that person's an alcoholic or that person's on drugs or that person's having an affair because they just want more sex or because they've got some other weakness. And that's seen as the relationship's over. This was not a I find something else in you know? This was you.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. It was authentic. And I think that's what made the real difference. It wasn't you going, yeah, I wanna travel a lot and she can't she don't wanna travel, so I'm leaving Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. It Anna Ann Poular, think, said this herself, but, you know, it was something that she can't give me. And, you know, kind of like, I don't think it did it make it easier? I don't know, but it made it more definitive
Gary Johannes:in it terms of
Daryl Hine:was very real. It was very real. So I think that, you know, I went through it, Paula went through it, but we came out the other side and I believe you absolutely need to live life to the full. I think we've always done that. We've tried to live our best life, whether it was the early years or the later years is that, but what I would say is that now I do feel genuinely authentic.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Is that I am who I am, you know, don't believe I'm arrogant with it in any shape or form, but I am very comfortable at being gay. You know, Ed and I walk down the streets, we'll hold hands and you still get often people giving you setting looks and all the rest of it and blah, blah, blah. And then there's certain countries we go to that, you know, it's illegal. So therefore you've got to respect their laws. So if we travel through Doha, for example, to go to The Philippines, you know, absolutely we can't hold hands or anything like that.
Daryl Hine:You respect that. But the vast majority of the time, we're a couple, we're happy. I don't care what other people think is that we just get on with it. And, and you know, one of the things as a result of coming out and being my authentic self now is we go to pride. And I don't think anybody who's not in that camp will really appreciate the importance of pride because you go to pride and you are in amongst a whole bunch of people who totally accept you for whatever you are, whoever you are, whatever you want to be.
Daryl Hine:And it is an amazing feeling to feel that accepted.
PeterEly:Work near there and when it's on, it's amazing. And I always equate it. I used to be a stand up comedian and I did two Edinburgh festivals. And when I was in Edinburgh, I described it as being on holiday with all of your friends and having the most amazing entertainment in front of you twenty four hours a day. And that's what pride weekend is like.
PeterEly:Cause it's not just the parade itself, the whole weekend is like that. Right. And it is incredible. So yeah, I can completely understand that.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. And you know, it is very accepting and you literally get all sorts. So Ed and I took it to the next level. We've enjoyed pride. We've been lucky enough to go to Sydney, Canada.
Daryl Hine:You see pride all over the world. Right? There's a, we went on cruise. Now cruise is typically seen as something for perhaps older people.
Gary Johannes:Shut up. I love a cruise. That's what I said.
PeterEly:All for
Daryl Hine:older people and, you know, it's quite sedate and all that sort of thing. So Ed and I went on a cruise, but it is a specialist cruise. So it's on the largest, we've been twice now, the largest cruise ship in the world, the Allure of the Seas and the Symphony of the Seas. There's over 5,000 passengers on it. Leads from Miami, goes around The Caribbean, absolutely enormous.
Daryl Hine:It's run by a company called Atlantis and it's a gay cruise.
Gary Johannes:Oh, okay.
Daryl Hine:So you've got five and a half thousand gay guys on these cruise for seven nights and it'll blow your mind.
Gary Johannes:I mean,
Daryl Hine:it is just something completely different, And again, you get all sorts of spectrum in the whole gay world. You've got all shapes, sizes, types, and all the rest of it, people with different labels within the community and all the rest of it, but everybody is accepted. And that feeling of acceptance, that feeling of authenticity is so important. I think it's important. Okay.
Daryl Hine:For my case, it's about sexuality, but for anybody, I think if you can be your authentic Kate, your authentic self, then you are gonna be much happier. You're gonna be more fulfilled. Yeah. Yeah. Try and work out what your authentic self is might be a different challenge, but yeah, I I think it's it's hugely important.
Gary Johannes:So so I'll admit, I've never been to a pride.
Daryl Hine:You've missed out. You know what mean?
Gary Johannes:And and do you know what? I feel quite envious now. It's like, what am missing? Is I know loads of people have been when we've had them in Leicester, places like that, I've run my bars and things like that. Most of my staff couldn't work because I was at Pride, but I've never been.
Gary Johannes:None. And I was like, okay, maybe maybe
Daryl Hine:Get I'm get please get yourself along. I mean, that we're literally 10 different parties in seven nights, 10 different parties, some all night parties, some daytime parties, all themed, all dressed up.
Gary Johannes:Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Yeah. It's it's it's it's a lot of fun. Pride is is one big celebration.
Gary Johannes:So we've got last two questions because we're we're we're nearly another twenty minutes in, so we're getting there. So Peter's got a question for you about cars, and then I wanna know where you where where you've ended up. Right, got it. And then lastly, what you'd say to someone else going through.
Daryl Hine:Okay. Yeah.
PeterEly:So you mentioned the midlife crisis and you bought your car. Yeah. I don't know if that was your favourite car, but what's been your favourite car to either own or drive?
Daryl Hine:I think it's varied as I've gone through the years. So my favorite car, when I had my BMW convertible, that was my favorite car is I thought I was the business driving around with the lid down and all that sort of stuff, tattoo out on the, etcetera. So that I loved at the time, but that kind of got the convertible bit out of me and I was absolutely fine. We've just had for the last three years, a Jaguar I PACE, it's electric car and it is phenomenal. It was so quick.
Daryl Hine:Acceleration on it was just like ridiculous. So solid. It's such a good performer. So we absolutely loved that car. And we've had it for three years.
Daryl Hine:I was very sad to see it go. And we would've, we would've switched that again for another I PACE, but I think there's distribution problems at the moment. And for whatever reason, couldn't get a hold of one. So we was looking for another electric car because I am a fan of electric car and I mixed bag from people, but I like the electric car. We went to BMW, we went to Audi, we went to VW, we went to Mercedes, didn't like any of them, but I went into a BYD garage.
Daryl Hine:Now don't you have heard of BYD? Massively developing brand, it's Chinese and they've got a car in there called the Sea Lion seven. All their cars are after some Asia or Sea World thing or whatever. It's a SeaLine seven. It's a similar size to the I PACE and I absolutely love it.
Daryl Hine:Gary knows I like gadgets.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:It's got the big screen in the middle. You can, you can touch it and it turns from vertical to horizontal. It's all voice control. So it's got a full panoramic roof and you say, hi, big open the blinds and opens the blinds, open the passenger window, open the, and it does all that electrically. Goes, the room in the back seats is enormous.
Daryl Hine:So it's a big car. So yeah, it's probably my latest car is my favorite car because I just get enthusiastic on it auric it. But yeah, no, I love the I PACE and if I could have another one, I'll probably have another one, but I'm really impressed with the BYD. We've only added three weeks.
Gary Johannes:All I can say Daryl is you can take the boy out of corporate, but you can't take corporate out of the boy. I like my last one. I like the one I've got now. It is like, you can't change. It's only Daryl who can do that.
Daryl Hine:I talked to a corporate. One of the things I always remember is that in corporate, they did a lot of training sessions, things like that, and they do icebreakers. And I always feared this question coming along, which was as an icebreaker, yeah, tell the room something about yourself that they're not gonna know. Every single time, in the front of my mind is like, I like guys. I never once said it.
Daryl Hine:No one's.
PeterEly:It it would have been a definite icebreaker, to be fair.
Daryl Hine:It it would have silenced the room. I know that.
Gary Johannes:But I
Daryl Hine:never would have laughed and not believed me.
Gary Johannes:So the the finish up then Yeah. I mean, you've done two amazing chapters with a a bit of a sticky couple of pages in the middle. Yeah. You did something which I think a lot of men our age living have lived through or had to live through because so if you had to you've mentor a lot of people now. You coach a lot of people.
Gary Johannes:If someone comes up to you and say, and this is where I'm at, and this is what I'm thinking, what would you what advice would you give somebody who's just like, I don't know how I feel. I don't know who I am. Don't know what I should do.
Daryl Hine:So I I think the first thing is I would helpfully say to them, doing nothing is not really going to be an option. Because if you've got something on your mind and you're not dealing with it, it doesn't just go away. It just gets bigger and bigger. So that would be my first thing is that unfortunately, accept that doing nothing isn't an option. You need to make a decision.
Daryl Hine:The second thing I'd say is that drawing on my own experience, don't try and draw up a roadmap which has got all the answers on it before you make your first move, because you'll be drawing and redrawing and finding roadblocks and everything else forever. So, accept the fact that you might not be able to draw the perfect roadmap, but you have to make baby steps and you have to make steps in a right direction. So find those small steps, which is going to help you understand the situation and unpack it a little bit more. And I think the last thing out of that would be find someone to talk to. For a long time, I held it in myself and didn't talk to anybody.
Daryl Hine:Relationship. She knew a little bit about my sexuality, but I wasn't going do anything about it and that was fine. But I couldn't talk about what was actually going through my head. So find someone to talk to, whether it's professional help, which is obviously a big issue, big support in there, or a trusted friend, but holding it to yourself is not the answer. Find someone who's not going to be overly opinionated and tell you what to do because you don't really want that, but someone who's gonna support you, encourage you to create those baby steps, take the steps forward to help you unpack what the answer is.
Daryl Hine:And I I think the last thing that's just popped into my head is is living in fear is just not a good place to be. And I think I was during that time living in fear of change, living in fear of upsetting other people or not wanting to upset other people and all that sort of stuff. But in actual fact, it is your life and you deserve to live your very best life. Yeah. And personal experience, if you can be authentic, you lead a better life.
Gary Johannes:Yeah. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:Because you are who you are and you just feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Gary Johannes:Fantastic. That's
PeterEly:fantastic advice. It's amazing. Thank you so much for being so open, so honest. Really appreciate chat and the conversation and hopefully someone will take some of the stuff away because I think there's some incredible advice there. Gary, last thing, did you want to say goodbye and thank
Gary Johannes:you all? No, just what he's doing now. Just let's finish Yes, the
PeterEly:Sorry. So What
Daryl Hine:am I doing now?
PeterEly:Yeah. Where are you now? What's life like now?
Daryl Hine:Life's pretty damn good, I have to say. I work part time, so I don't work full time. I have complete flexibility over when I work and where I work and all that sort of thing. That gives me some freedom. Ed and I have been together for, I should know this, ten, eleven, twelve years, something like that.
Daryl Hine:So we've been together a long time. We've got very strong, very secure relationship. He's Filipino, but he's been in this country for twenty odd years, but, I love being with a different culture to ours. So you learn so much more. I've been out to The Philippines five or six times now and you know, spent time with his family.
Daryl Hine:His family's great. He's one of nine. So he's completely different situation from where I am at. And we both share this passion for traveling. So we find every opportunity we can to go and travel.
Daryl Hine:We're fortunate, literally we've traveled the world. We've been to Australia, to South America, to North America, to Asia, we've done lots of Europe. We've gone to some slightly unusual, you know, destinations such as Luxembourg, which isn't on a typical tourist destination is, and, you know, we keep loving and learning in terms of what's going on.
Gary Johannes:In 2026, how many holidays have you been on or have you got booked? I think
Daryl Hine:we've been on six so far. Already. Already. Yeah. Yeah.
Daryl Hine:We started off in Tenerife is the, I probably get this in the wrong order, Tenerife, Miami, three islands in the Caribbean. We've been to Gran Canaria. We've been to Belgium. We've been to Luxembourg. We're not going anywhere in June.
Daryl Hine:Okay. So, well, unless I weaken, but we're trying to go anywhere in June, but literally for all of July, we're in The Philippines. So we leave on the July 2 and we get back in August.
PeterEly:Amazing. The one last thing that we do is we give you the opportunity to talk to people about your business. Where can people find you? Where can people find your business? We didn't talk a lot about your business.
PeterEly:What do you do for your business? How do you help people? And where can people find you?
Daryl Hine:Certainly. Abundant Solutions, as I've mentioned already, it's been going seventeen, nineteen years, I think it is actually. We are a consultancy and marketer, business consultancy and marketing business. So we basically help business owners get clarity over where that, the direction they're going, the support they need in terms of developing their teams, people being the most important part of that, and also supporting them with their social media, their website, and just being found themselves. So we do quite a lot of coaching.
Daryl Hine:We work closely with the leadership teams in terms of developing them. We work with small businesses is that that's the kind of like the niche that we work with. So it could be a one man band. Typically you've got a business which has got a small management team owned and managed a few staff, maybe up to 20 staff, and we work with them. Yeah, most of them, if not all of them, are long term relationships.
Daryl Hine:So, we kind of get on board and then we become their trusted supporter. Fantastic. And if you send
PeterEly:us your socials, we'll pop those into all of the stuff that we do. Thank you so much for being so honest, so open and sharing your story. It's been an absolute pleasure talking to you.
Daryl Hine:Brilliant. Thank you very much.
PeterEly:Thank you very much, Daryl.
Gary Johannes:Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. It's been always a pleasure having a chat with you, and see you soon.
